Surrendered Puns

Now his name is Kneel Armstrong

They were scared Toulouse

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

Dude 2: “Brochure”

He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

..dunno, I give up.

But they didn’t planet.

Atleast that's what she said in her diary.

I don’t understand how she can feel that way.

Pissed-aschios.

He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”

Count Draculas.

Just in case there's a salad dressing

I can’t believe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life

There were repercussions.

Scissor me timbers!

If you ever accidentally smack your kid in the face and they say ow my eyes is blurry, or if they bump their face etc

Say “ah buddy u ok? Can u see? How many hands am I holding up?

Then proceed to hold up one hand with four fingers.

The kid will most often say 4. Then you make the dad face.

“4 hands!?!? Yah we might have a problem!”

A sketch pad

Because Italics aren't bold

It was trivial per suit.

A French Roast.

I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French

it's unbrielievably cheesy

Because they were cooked in Greece

Zebra

Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

I had to put my foot down.

Pun in, ten dead

Edit: The police quickly arrived at the scene, surrounding the bar. The pun was trapped in the bar but it decided to hold on and have a shoot out with the police instead of surrendering. Sadly, the pun was shot. He was pun out dead at the scene.

Edit: Nobody attended the puns funeral, they all at ten ded.

-Mic drop-

Edit: Wasn’t that a killer pun?

Edit: Unfortunately I told about 10 puns before this one. Did any of them land? No. No pun in ten did.

(Credit To killsforsporks and TLo137 for the last 2 edits)

It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.

In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day because they surrender their love to each other

The following story is true.

Perhaps you have heard of The Noid. He was a character created by Domino's Pizza to act as a villain who would attempt to make your pizza taste crappy due to lack of freshness. Thankfully, according to Domino's, The Noid could easily be foiled by their 30 minute delivery guarantee.

On January 30, 1989, a man by the name of Kenneth Lamar Noid took the creation of the little guy as a personal attack on his character. Not one to take such a slight lying down, Mr. Noid took a Domino's location in Atlanta hostage, forcing them to make a special pizza and salad against their will. His demands included $100,000, getaway transportation, and a copy of the hit science fiction novel, "The Widow's Son".

Eventually, Mr. Noid surrendered to the police. After the incident, when reached for comment about Mr. Noid, Police Chief Reed Miller was quoted as saying, "He's paranoid."

Thank you for your time.