Where do all the super heroes in South Africa come from?
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I was super surprised when the cashier wouldnβt give me her number.
I couldβve sworn she was checking me out.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
I just saw a super big ant
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︎ Mar 17 2021
After getting my first vaccine I asked the nurse what super power do I get, but she just looked straight through me.
Looks like I might have invisibility!
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Super spreader
Shall I tell you a joke about margerine...?
...Butter not, you might spread it...
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︎ Mar 20 2021
My kids recently been super obsessed with the moon and my wife is starting to get worried.
I told her not to worry, itβs only a phase.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Did you guys know that Napoleon was super skinny?
That is why they call him napoleon boney parts.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Corona didnβt need an ad in the Super Bowl for their beer.
Itβs already gone viral.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
What causes all the super-yachts to squeeze together in the same tourist spots?
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︎ Feb 17 2021
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
Itβs been a week now and sheβs still not talking to me.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Boss: How's that new glue?
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Why did the man give his wife a box of Super Poli-Grip after their fight?
Because it's a great fix-a-tiff.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
They're gonna sell corn on the cob at the Super Bowl, and it's rumored to be cheap.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
... Because his parents died
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.
Her: What can I do for you?
Me: I'm looking for a date.
Her: Oh, what kind of dates?
Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Anyone wanna buy a Delorean?
It has super low milage
I only drive it from time to time!
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Honey where's my super suit
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
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︎ Oct 23 2020
I was super lucky to get an advent calendar this year...
because you know their days are numbered.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
A real life dad joke.
My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.
Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"
I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"
I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."
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︎ Feb 09 2021
My daughter just dropped a dad joke that made me super proud.
We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Who was the funniest pope in history?
Pope Hilarius (AD 461 - AD 468)
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︎ Mar 28 2021
The Worst Dad Joke
Today, my daughter asked βCan I have a bookmark?β and I burst into tears. . .
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︎ Apr 17 2021
How did the orchestra attract heavy metal fans?
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Super important
π︎ 239
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︎ Apr 23 2020
If your wife is angry
Put a cape on her and tell she is Super Angry!!
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---
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︎ Sep 26 2020
My piggy bank is getting super old...
I may have to change it out.
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 29 2020
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he wonβt do that.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Oct 01 2020
The people serving me at restaurants are super polite even when I take the longest time to order
I guess that's why they are called waiters
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︎ Nov 07 2020
How does Super Mario get drunk?
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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︎ Apr 17 2020
Super Nintendo chalmers
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︎ Jul 13 2020
My friend works in IT and I asked him, βHow do you make a motherboard?β
He said, βI usually tell her about my job.β
π︎ 16k
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Why is Toad the most popular character in the Super Mario World?
Because he's a real fungi!
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I'd like to share a small victory with you all today
π︎ 14
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︎ Feb 03 2021
So, earlier I was replanting my succulents and I offhandedly mentioned to my fiancΓ© I'd like to do gardening shit with my sis...
He replied, "She'd be super helpful since she's a HOE."
#mypunssucc #punnyshit
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Most people really hate when cars have a super reflective wrap, they think itβs too showoffy.
Personally, I can see myself in one of them.
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︎ Aug 08 2020
The loaf of bread I bought today is obsolete.
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Everyone was super stoked at the surgeon ward party.
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Thereβs only one super hero who can get into this frozen dinner
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
π︎ 554
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︎ Jan 06 2021
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