If you take a dump on a stump...

Does that make it a toilet tree?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theoddfind
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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If you squat on a stump and take a dump....

Is it considered a toilet-tree?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rj17141
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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I've been seeing a lot of Stump Grinding signs lately.

I wonder what office they're running for.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atrix324
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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They say you can identify a tree by its bark, but this one has me stumped.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bladingbeckie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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Donald stump
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenny_G_is_good
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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I was dating a girl with a wooden leg

but I broke it off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:

He was missing a key element the whole time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.

I'm stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unknownemoji
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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What do you call a tree with no branches?

Dead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangergurl666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun

But I'm stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockboxatx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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They were left stumped...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fm369
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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I went into my favorite bar and asked for a Bud.The bartender, we'll call her Penny, say's you have to tell me who makes it first.Kinda stumped I said Anheiser Busch.She said "just fine,and hows your dick."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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A lorry full of christmas trees have been stolen.

Police admit they are stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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And I'm not even a dad!

This actually just happened!!!

I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.

Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash

Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm

Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.

Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?

Me: Yep

Him: Baloney

Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin

Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impostershop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.

But so far, I'm stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WulliesTime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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They were left stumped...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fm369
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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My friend and I were stumped on what to do... imgur.com/a/0h4ZVWf
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inkling25
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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Did you hear about the guy who kept cutting down trees?

They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notgayinathreeway
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Watson is heavily constipated. Holmes, for once, is stumped.

He asks Watson what the problem is.

Watson replies: "No shit, Sherlock!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes

I call it my hedge fund

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippyDingleCha1k
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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French dadjoke that stumped Will Shortz on NPR

Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named GΓ©rard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:

"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"

Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:

"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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What did the lumberjack say after cutting down the whole forest?

β€œI’m stumped!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hypnocrates
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.

I was stumped.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.

I'm stumped!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Why couldn't a tree stump play around with a computer?

Because it couldn't log in!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrsilbert1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
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My Mom just stumped me with this one.

Me: I know a good Knock Knock joke, but you have to start.

Mom: Knock knock

Me: Who's there

Mom: Who's there who?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doorkn00b
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2016
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What do you call a man who has his feet removed?

Defeated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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While being tortured I was asked if I'd prefer to have either my arms or legs cut off.

I was stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.

He said she would be really good at stump speeches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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I am baffled how I got a job with a tree removal company.

Completely stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday

it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drew442
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
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I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we are having for dinner tonight

She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkourturtle69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Can you help me write a punchline for a joke about trees?

Because I'm Stumped!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murphy223
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Got my coworkers yesterday.

My coworkers and I were taking asbestos safety classes. The instructor told us to do a good job on our tests. I looked over at the instructor and said, "I'll do this job, asbestos I can." Instructor couldn't contain himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaNetNaverna
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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Are you a dyslexic bowler?

Cuz you're blowing me away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/python935
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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The first....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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What do you call a tree stuck on a math problem

Stumped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dragonslayer67800
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Did you hear about the tree that did a backflip?

It 'sticks' the landing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J4sonic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
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Figuring out the difference between...

The terms "midget" and "little person" has me stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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What is it to illegally cut down all the trees?

Treeson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gr3gard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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I can’t seem to remember what happens to a tree after you cut it down.

I’m stumped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanjifu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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For the longest time I couldn’t figure out how I tripped over the remains of that tree.

I was stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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I need some help, what's left over when someone cuts down a tree?

Im stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If you chop down a tree in the forest, but it doesn't understand why you cut it down

Do you think its stumped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtLama1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went to a magical forest to cut a tree...

Upon arrival, he began to swing at a tree, when it shouted,"Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, and said,"And you will dialogue."

The tree was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buy_an_sel-l
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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