If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
If you squat on a stump and take a dump....
Is it considered a toilet-tree?
I've been seeing a lot of Stump Grinding signs lately.
I wonder what office they're running for.
They say you can identify a tree by its bark, but this one has me stumped.
I was dating a girl with a wooden leg
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:
He was missing a key element the whole time
What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
What do you call a tree with no branches?
I'm trying to come up with a good tree pun
They were left stumped...
I went into my favorite bar and asked for a Bud.The bartender, we'll call her Penny, say's you have to tell me who makes it first.Kinda stumped I said Anheiser Busch.She said "just fine,and hows your dick."
A lorry full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
And I'm not even a dad!
This actually just happened!!!
I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.
Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash
Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm
Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.
Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?
Me: Yep
Him: Baloney
Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin
Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!
I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.
They were left stumped...
Did you hear about the guy who kept cutting down trees?
They tried to investigate the trees, but they were all stumped.
Watson is heavily constipated. Holmes, for once, is stumped.
He asks Watson what the problem is.
Watson replies: "No shit, Sherlock!"
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes
French dadjoke that stumped Will Shortz on NPR
Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named Gérard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:
"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"
Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:
"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
What did the lumberjack say after cutting down the whole forest?
Somebody asked me to describe my life as an amputee, but I couldn't answer.
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
Why couldn't a tree stump play around with a computer?
Because it couldn't log in!
My Mom just stumped me with this one.
Me: I know a good Knock Knock joke, but you have to start.
Mom: Knock knock
Me: Who's there
Mom: Who's there who?
What do you call a man who has his feet removed?
While being tortured I was asked if I'd prefer to have either my arms or legs cut off.
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.
He said she would be really good at stump speeches.
I am baffled how I got a job with a tree removal company.
So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday
it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit
I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we are having for dinner tonight
She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"
Can you help me write a punchline for a joke about trees?
Got my coworkers yesterday.
My coworkers and I were taking asbestos safety classes. The instructor told us to do a good job on our tests. I looked over at the instructor and said, "I'll do this job, asbestos I can." Instructor couldn't contain himself.
Are you a dyslexic bowler?
Cuz you're blowing me away
What do you call a tree stuck on a math problem
Did you hear about the tree that did a backflip?
Figuring out the difference between...
The terms "midget" and "little person" has me stumped.
What is it to illegally cut down all the trees?
I can’t seem to remember what happens to a tree after you cut it down.
For the longest time I couldn’t figure out how I tripped over the remains of that tree.
I need some help, what's left over when someone cuts down a tree?
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
If you chop down a tree in the forest, but it doesn't understand why you cut it down
A lumberjack went to a magical forest to cut a tree...
Upon arrival, he began to swing at a tree, when it shouted,"Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, and said,"And you will dialogue."
The tree was stumped.
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