My friend put a picture of graffiti on her story, puns were made.
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︎ Oct 17 2017
Toy story pun
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︎ Jan 24 2019
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︎ Oct 18 2016
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling βI stepped on a Bee!β
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Iβm reading a horror story in Braille, something bad is going to happen
I can feel it
Credits- u/Wyzeman3283
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︎ Mar 04 2021
It would suck not being able to eat bread :')
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︎ Feb 23 2021
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said βmummy, youβve peeβd on the floorβ
Needless to say I was in stitches.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Guys! They finally made a story about clocks!
And itβs about time too.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
A little know story about Mozart is that in 1785 he killed all of his chickens.
When he asked who the best composer was, they kept replying βBach, Bach, Bachβ
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Grandparents love telling their life stories over and over and over again
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Have you heard that story about the dog who went 200 miles to retrieve a stick?
Itβs a bit far fetched.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
To cut a long story short.....
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︎ Feb 12 2021
It's the story of a father that invented a machine.
He shows it to his son, all proud, and says : "You see, son, when you put a donkey in this end of the machine, a sausage will automatically come out."
The son, very confused, asks : "But dad, is there a way to do the opposite, insert a sausage and a donkey comes out?"
The father proudly answers : "Yes son, your mom."
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︎ Mar 04 2021
I told my Friend a story
It was about a dinosaur. I can't get into it right now, it was a long tail
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︎ Feb 10 2021
What do you call a story about a small horse?
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︎ Jan 21 2021
A little story of a dadjoke that drove my wife crazy
When we were Christmas shopping for our kids, we went to target. After walking around for a while I got bored and eventually found a bouncy ball. It was a small inflatable basketball about tennis ball sized and being inflated instead of solid rubber, it made a louder noise when it hit the ground.
We were walking around and I was bouncing the ball. My wife got visibly irritated at the constant noise following her around and told me to please put it down. I bounced it again and said "I'm trying, but every time I do, it comes back up into my hand"
Que the groan.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
I started telling my grandkids about how I built my house from the ground up. They complained that thatβs the only story I ever told.
Well, children, this is a one-story house.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Everyone in the story survived!
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Why do cats tell bad stories?
Because they only have one tail
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︎ Feb 19 2021
True story: So we were out today and sat at a table for some food. My 4yo asked what the holes and and notches were in the wood and my wife says βthey are knot holesβ.
Miss4 says βif they are not holes, what are they?β
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︎ Feb 06 2021
True story: I sent my dad a picture of the loaf of bread I made witha bread machine. He instantly responded with :
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︎ Jan 25 2021
(true story) After having my son install an electric keypad deadbolt on the man door in my garage, my daughter says:
Dad, are you sure that new deadbolt was man-door-tory??
Making daddy proud.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I was walking with my son the other day...
He picked up an acorn and asked me what it was. I told him it was a tree. He said really? I said, well in a nutshell yes.
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︎ Mar 06 2021
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Did you hear the story about the Phantom Corkscrew?
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︎ Jan 31 2021
True story: During a large dinner my son said that he was addicted to the gravy
I told him "the best way to break that addiction is to quit cold turkey"
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Proud Dad Moment
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said βI guess theyβre going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.β π
Never been prouder of my daughter. π
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︎ Mar 05 2021
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I donβt believe him.
But thatβs his story, and heβs sticking to it.
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︎ Jan 11 2021
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
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︎ Jan 11 2021
A story of my friend Al
While on vacation to a Caribbean island, he was Tropic Al
As a master gardener, he is Botanic Al
When the people need a doctor, he is Medic Al
When he tells clever jokes, heβs Comic Al
He can look two ways at once as Bidirection Al
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︎ Jan 22 2021
Some stories have really good character arcs.
Personally, my favourite is Noah's Ark
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︎ Jan 28 2021
*while my dad and I drive past a cemetery*
Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
Me: "Oh, why?"
Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."
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︎ Dec 19 2020
True story: My family and I were walking at an apple orchard today when my 6-year-old noticed a discarded apple and asked "Why is there an apple under a pine tree?"
I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."
Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Seems like a Bassless claim to me
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︎ Dec 08 2020
I read a story to my daughter about a cow that produced magical golden milk
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︎ Jan 16 2021
There is a species of frog that can jump higher than a 3 story house
This is due to the frog's incredibly strong hind legs, and the fact that a house can't jump.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
I'm looking for the story of an astronaut whose lunar Odyssey was very fruitful?
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︎ Jan 18 2021
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. βKobe!β I shout. βNo.β He says in a disappointed tone...
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︎ Jan 08 2021
A father was reading a story to his five year old son.
His son asked him why the book was so fat. The father replied "It's a long story"
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Did you hear the story about the magical tractor?
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︎ Jan 05 2021
I was gonna tell a story about my buddies jogging club,
But it's just a running joke among friends
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︎ Jan 11 2021
IT puns :-)
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?
Me neither, I couldn't follow it.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I'm reading a horror story in Braille.
Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
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