This one went by cold with the rest of the chat. Stone-cold.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoneblosom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What is Stone Cold Steve Austin’s favourite gaming console?

The Xbox 316

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSBennett
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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COLD STONE STEVE AUSTIN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/normalizecrocs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Stone cold
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Stone Cold tells it like it is
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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When I was upset as a child, my Dad would always walk in my room, say this with a stone cold face, and then walk out.

Dad: Son I know you're upset. Know what my grandfather used to tell me when I was feeling this down?

Me: sniff What, Dad?

Dad: He would tell me, "Sonny, you stay here, I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandma."

....he also tells my friends this when they come over upset.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach50295
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Grandma goes to Cold Stone

Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."

My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pennyrae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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Cold Stone Steve Austin
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChuckZombie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2014
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To the tiny organisms upon which the blue whale feeds, the whale appears to be a stone cold kriller.

No, that's it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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We need help naming some murderous cats.

We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.

We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.

We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.

So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.

We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sveil96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Lava is the hipster of the geology community

It knew how to rock before it was cool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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What kind of cheese does Medusa eat?

Gorgonzola.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beefzilla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
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Who's Gordon Ramsay's favorite wrestler?

It's FOCKING STONE COLD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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We're having some tree surgeons take town some trees at our new house...

I asked my dad "When are the tree fellers coming?"

He replied "Monday, but I'm not sure if it'll be tree fellers, there might be four."

He said it with a stone-cold serious tone, whilst poking around on his ipad. The best sort of delivery for that sort of joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lympwing2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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That other family

When I was a kid (who am I kidding, he still does it) my dad would notice reflections in mirrors at restaurants or on glass building or whatever. He would stop the conversation, lean in close to everyone, and in a dead serious whisper say "Look, it's that family that's been following us again." Then his face would go from stone-cold serious to a huge grin.

Every time. It was our reflection. And he did it every time. I love my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gmeovr83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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Banana Phone

Driving to work this morning and a commercial with a phone ringing came on.

I swiftly grabbed the banana in the cup holder and said:

"Hello? Yea, She is right here!"

I handed the banana to my wife and she laughingly asked "Who is it?"

Stone cold serious I responded "Nana... Who else has this number?"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
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