Spilt Puns

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

In Heinz-sight, that was a bad idea

Put a little pep in her step.

But it's ok, everything's under control

With a pair of Caesars

I was able to turn the tide.

Dad: Don’t cry over spilt almond milk son Son: Why? (Sobbing) Dad: Because that’s just nuts!

"My girlfriend bought me this the other day!" I shouted.

"How about I get you a new one?" he asked.

I said, "Yes, you can."

He said, "Great, because I think she'd be better off with me."

Fucking HELLMANS

Ammonia was accidentally spilt over bamboo when the animals were feeding. It caused a complete panda ammonium.

A truck carrying Vicks Vapour Rub has spilt its load on the Freeway

Police are warning of no congestion for up to 8 hours.

So I'm poring my grandma a bowl of cereal, I spilt some on the floor, when I moved to pick it up I stepped on a bunch of it. My grandma looks me straight in the eyes and says "look now you're a cereal killer"

I started dieing laughing, she didn't get it.

Then the lid came off the cup ,I spilt coffee in the car and my wife says "topless?".

I was reminded of my own experiences with my dad in the kitchen by /u/85FurnaceFuneral93 's post.

Cooking dinner, it came time to add the frozen peas to the pot. However, as he pulled them out of the freezer, he spilt the bag on the ground.

"Oh no!" he said "I just pea'd all over the floor!"

My sister spilt the salt shaker on my lap.

DAD: Waitress! This lady just aSSAULTed my son!

So today when I was cleaning the kitchen my sister looked at the oven top where I'd spilt some sauce last night, and said: "This is a complete mess, you know!" I replied: "So it's not just a "me-" then?"

She hasn't spoken to me since.