To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

👍︎ 11k
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👤︎ u/OliPark
📅︎ Sep 17 2020
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I need a special pair of spectacles to read legal documents...

Contract lenses.

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👤︎ u/dens382
📅︎ Nov 09 2018
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What do you call someone who has lost their spectacles?

Someone who has lost sight of themselves

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/NigelSamuel
📅︎ Sep 06 2018
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I bought my dog spectacles.

I wanted to get him contact lenses but they carry a high risk of cat-aracts.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/EnglishAlaskan
📅︎ Feb 27 2018
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Did you ever hear about the two monocles that bumped into each other? It was quite the spectacle.
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👤︎ u/CookieManager
📅︎ Sep 05 2017
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Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

👍︎ 24
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👤︎ u/PensionNo8124
📅︎ Apr 20 2021
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?

Everybody

👍︎ 10k
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📅︎ Apr 16 2020
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Did you hear about the optician who made the biggest pair of glasses in the world?

It was a huge spectacle!

👍︎ 38
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👤︎ u/Bang-a-lore
📅︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Source in comments
👍︎ 5k
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👤︎ u/Trisspele
📅︎ Jan 19 2020
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My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

👍︎ 277
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Sep 09 2020
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It's too bad about the guy that overreacted after falling into a lens-making machine.

He truly made a spectacle of himself.

👍︎ 22
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👤︎ u/dabiker68
📅︎ Sep 17 2020
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What do you call glasses for your balls?

Spectacles

👍︎ 4k
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👤︎ u/TraditionSmashed
📅︎ Apr 27 2019
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This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

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👤︎ u/capitolpuns
📅︎ Apr 15 2020
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My girlfriend asked if I liked her new glasses

"It's quite a spectacle"

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/blx666
📅︎ Sep 07 2016
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I decided against a demonstration on how glasses are manufactured.

I realised it would make a spectacle

👍︎ 13
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👤︎ u/kishenoy
📅︎ Jan 06 2020
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Did you hear about the man who fell into a lens compressor?

It was quite a spectacle.

👍︎ 13
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👤︎ u/leftonasournote
📅︎ Mar 04 2020
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You shouldn't wear two monocles at once.

You'd just make a spectacle of yourself.

👍︎ 90
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📅︎ Nov 09 2018
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One person died during the manufacturing of the world's largest lenses.

He fell into the vat of molten optical glass and made a spectacle of himself.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/ohrules
📅︎ Oct 12 2019
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Did you know that lenses for glasses are produced from a lens grinding machine?

More importantly, did you hear about the guy who got his hand caught in one?

It really made quite the spectacle.

👍︎ 35
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📅︎ Mar 02 2019
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Grandma spent 20 minutes trying to find her glasses today...

It was a spectacle

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👤︎ u/VamanaGG
📅︎ Oct 10 2019
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My idiot hipster friend started wearing two monocles out in public.

I said, “You are making a spectacle of yourself.”

👍︎ 392
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jun 17 2018
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I heard a man was trying to build a 30 foot tall sculpture of a pair of glasses

Now that would be some spectacle

👍︎ 13
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👤︎ u/BazzyTheLemon
📅︎ Jun 25 2018
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My eyeglasses are atheist.

They're skeptical spectacles.

👍︎ 14
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📅︎ Jan 16 2019
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Enough of these "I don't have 2020 vision" jokes

I refuse to make a spectacle of myself

👍︎ 73
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👤︎ u/garbagearmy
📅︎ Jan 10 2018
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I went to an eyes glass convention

It was quite a spectacle

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/Anthonybrose
📅︎ Mar 03 2019
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Why did the number of hospital visits quadruple after China started manufacturing glassware?

Because they make bad tempered glass.

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/arrenlex
📅︎ May 12 2012
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 30
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👤︎ u/onmugen
📅︎ Aug 31 2016
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I saw a magic show where the magician accidentally changed himself into a pair of glasses

He really made a spectacle of himself

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/salty904
📅︎ Jan 23 2018
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I told my wife that I'm thinking of going as a pair of eyeglasses this Halloween...

"Please don't," she begged, "You'll make a spectacle of yourself."

👍︎ 25
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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Oct 01 2017
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Whats the similarity between people wearing glasses walking down the stairs and people without glasses falling down the stairs?

Spectacles

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/JawnsDoesReddit
📅︎ Mar 10 2018
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My Dad kept pretending to throw his eyeglasses at me.

I said 'Why do you keep pretending to throw those at me?'.
He said 'You're right, I am just making a Spectacle of myself'.

Internally I was laughing but I couldn't let him know he got to me...

👍︎ 15
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👤︎ u/InnocentPossum
📅︎ May 01 2016
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My gf cant find her Glasses

Her: Where are they I cant find them!! frantically throwing everything around looking for the mysteriously vanishing spectacles

Me: Did you check the bathroom?

Her: YES!! I cant believe this I'm about to lose it!

Me: Aren't they already lost?

Ill be here allllll week!

👍︎ 61
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👤︎ u/enjoyit7
📅︎ Feb 04 2015
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The first time I went to the opticians I was really nervous. My dad tried to reassure me.

He put his hand on my shoulder and told me, "it'll be okay. Just don't make a spectacle of yourself."

Thanks, dad.

👍︎ 73
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👤︎ u/IKissedAMagikarp
📅︎ Dec 08 2013
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I posted some selfies of me wearing my new glasses

I really made a spectacle of myself

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/salty904
📅︎ Nov 02 2016
🚨︎ report
"Did you hear about the goofball that went to the optometrist? Well he fell into the glass grinder...

...made a real spectacle of himself."

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/fembot__
📅︎ Sep 03 2016
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my glasses

I will find you, I have contacts

👍︎ 10k
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👤︎ u/garyunmarried
📅︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend quietly quit his job as a eye glass manufacturer.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

👍︎ 35
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the optometrist

...who fell into his grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself.

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/Vedanta99
📅︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend decided to quietly retire from his job as a eye glass manufacturer.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who fell into a vat of molten glass?

He made a real spectacle of himself.

👍︎ 21
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👤︎ u/GuyTheTerrible
📅︎ Jul 22 2013
🚨︎ report

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