Sound Chip Puns

nACHOO!

Host dips her chip into a bowl of taco dip, breaks chip, new person arrives at the front door, host gives up and walks away with chip stuck in dip.

Person next to me: "Wow, she just left it in there."

Me: "Yeah, she abandoned chip..."

Wife just groans and walks away.

Had lunch with a friend. When the waitress came with the check, she mentioned that if we called in and answered a few questions regarding the meal, I could get a free queso.

Without thinking, I said, "Case o' what?"

She looked rather unimpressed. I had to apologize by explaining I was a dad. She remained unimpressed. My friend was on the floor laughing. He's a dad too.

TL;DR - Dad-joked a waitress and won a queso shame.

I was at the store and asked her via text what kind of chips she preferred between Sour cream and onion or cheddar and sour cream. This is how it all went down:

Me: Do you like Sour cream and onion or cheddar and sour cream?

Her: Both

Me: Pick one.

Her: Spur cream and onion

Me: is that a new flavor? Sounds spicy. Almost as if it had a pretty good kick.

silence

Me: ......

Her: Huh?

Me: ugh!

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

• Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
• It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
• What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
• Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
• Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
• Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
• If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
• Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
• Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
• American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
• The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
• Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
• Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
• Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
• Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
• Rittal me this, Batman!
• Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
• Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
• If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
• When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
• You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
• Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
• Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
• Don't think Seton is