A gloat.
I thought: "that's a condescending con descending"
It was a little condescending
Me, being fed up with him always boasting, I asked," How could you even do that?"
With a smug smile plastered on his face, he replied," Thermal Signature."
He was shaking his head and looking at his watch. He said I'm overdue for an appointment and that he has an opening today. I asked what time can I come in? He smugly replied "tooth hurty".
A hornbill in a rainforest screeched triumphantly! βHahaha I am the king of the birds for I have the biggest beak.β He sat on his branch smugly, smiling to himself when another bird with an extraordinary beak landed beside him and scoffed,βToucan play at that game.β
In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.
Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.
A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!
But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.
Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.
He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.
As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.
Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.
"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"
Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.
"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are
... keep reading on reddit β‘Me: I stole your mug when I had hot chocolate today.
Partner: :(
Me: I guess one could say that you've been mugged..
Partner: ...
My daughter and I were walking through the mall yesterday and asked if we could buy one of those Frozen decorative finger nail sets.
I told her, "No, we are only window shopping today." She with the most smug look I have ever seen replies back with "We don't need a new window."
She got that nail kit.
...thought I'd break out some small talk and let him know that after a presale struggle (and failure), I'd managed to get tickets to the Korn gig.
He tittered to himself for twenty seconds and then announced, "I'm a-maize-d you managed to get Korn tickets!"
Smug face for Dad. Face palm for me.
He knocks on our door and before even stepping in, he goes "Did you hear about that guy across the road? He was taken away by the police last night when they found him getting high in the supermarket car park sniffing batteries."
"Sniffing batteries!? I didn't even know that was a thing. What do you reckon they're going to do with him?" I said innocently. Then I saw this big smug shit-eating grin, and immediately knew what was coming.
"I dunno, I'm guessing they're going to leave him in a dry cell until they figure out what to charge him with."
My dad walks into poundland to buy one item and pays with one pound and then turns to the cashier and says "keep the change" and walks out the shop all smug.
Took the kids to a bug museum this weekend and was walking behind this other dad and his kids for a good bit of the time. When we get to the leaf cutter ant exhibit, my three year old loudly says something to the effect, "Look at all those ants!". The dad turns around and says, smugly, "How do you know they aren't uncles?" My kids groan, his kids groan, all in a dad's work, right? Then his daughter, who was probably 8 or 9, pipes up, "Well, Dad, since they're all female, it's safe to say that are, in fact, aunts!"
Her timing was impeccable. She's going places.
A bit of context - our neighbour who lives a floor below us complained yesterday that there was a leak in our flat that was damaging his ceiling and walls; my dad has been frantically searching for it in our bathroom all day
I was browsing reddit when I hear my dad shout: "I've found it! casvanr! I've found the leak"
He then strolls into my room with a smug grin on his face, holding the vegetable
I threw a book at him
Went to use a public toilet and there was a father and his young son using the urinal, after the dad finished his business he let a fart rip (as you do).
His young son got a bit of a shock and asked, 'what was that?!', to which the father smugly replied 'can't have rain without thunder!'.
Whilst watching an advert that shows Lionel Messi in a sitting room
me: I wonder what his real house is like
gf: quite messy
she wore a smug grin for the next few minutes
Got home and walked into the kitchen, something smelt really good. Walked over to the slow cooker and see food in there. Go and find my dad and ask "is it alright if I have some of the food from the slow cooker?" He replies "yes" and on my way out the room he shouts "its chilli by the way!" I walk back into the room with a smug grin and ask "oh, so should I warm it up?" After a second, he clicks and I get the satisfying nod.
Just got my co-worker with a doozy. They were out in the bay doing seagrass surveys when they came very close to stepping on a stingray. She was talking about the flashes of Steve Irwin's death going through her mind when I asked "you were wearing good sunscreen right?" "what?" she asked "sunscreen? Why?" "to protect you from harmful rays" I said with a smug look on my face.
She folded her arms and gave me a stern look. My boss and coworker could only shake their heads and laugh.
"I would have waited 9 months." (Then a very smug face)
My mum complained that my dad took a photo of her, whilst she was wearing her "kitchen cleaning glasses" as they look bad. I sarcastically offer to get her car cleaning glasses instead as they're clearly more fashionable.
My dad on the other hand stands there with his fake concerned/confused. When i ask what's wrong, he asks with a smug grin on his face "Why would you use glasses to clean the kitchen? Surely a mop or cloth would be more practical".
We all left the room.
My grandma is 85. She suffers from Parkinson's and sleeps about 16 hours a day, but her dad joke is still sharp (as I found out earlier). While discussing my cousin's bee-keeping with my mum:
Mum: '...what? I didn't know Buff makes honey' Grandma: 'He doesn't. ...the bees do'
She proceeded to grin smugly, appreciating my mother's sigh. I proudly enjoyed the ensuing silence. Well played, grandma.
- Anytime anything rattles he says "that sounds like 2 skeletons making love in a biscuit tin."
- Any beeping, anywhere, ever, he grabs his chest and says "is that my pacemaker?"
- And the most awkward (he regularly says this) "I believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll... well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad." Then he sneers. Smugly. Every. Time.
I pass by this machine they have that shakes the trees and say to my son, "That thing shakes the squirrels out." I continue walking, smug in my own hilarity, and about 15 feet later one of the workers tells my kids, "That's for shaking out the squirrels." DADS
A condescending con descending
π
