I got a new tie made of anaconda skin

It’s very nice, but a little tight…

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mandalay-dreaming
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2023
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I just made a boomerang out of a snake

I have a feeling that idea will to come back to bite me

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spyalien
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2023
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How you get a snake to quiet down?

Give it antihisstamines.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Triss_Mockra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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There's a litter of kittens, and there is a slither of cats.
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamexceptional
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Medusa caught some thieves trying to steal from her lair

They were busted.

πŸ‘︎ 714
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πŸ‘€︎ u/white-mane
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
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Two pieces of string slither into a bar...

They climb up a couple of bar stools and have a seat. One of them says to the bartender, "Hey, give me and my partner here a beer would you?"

The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So they climb down off of the bar stools and slither across the floor and out of the bar.

One says to the other,"Lets go down the street. I know of a better bar than this one anyways."

"Now wait a minute, said the other string.This is clearly discrimination!"

"Well what do you intend to do about it?"said the other string?

"I'm going to go back in with a disguise and I'll get that damn beer." So he ties himself in a knot, frazzles up one end of himself,goes back into the bar,slithers across the floor and climbs up the bar stool. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer please."

The bartender says," Wait a minute . Aren't you the same piece of string that was in here a while ago?"

So the string said, "No.I'm a frayed knot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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What do snakes do when they don't get their way?

They throw a hissy Fit.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phillydog1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2022
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You should see this huge salamander! It’s not mine though.

It’s much too big to be my newt.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2022
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My wife and I are staying at a hotel. The street in front of the main entrance is called Griffin Drive. I told my wife that I was going to call the main entrance the "Harry Potter Entrance." She asked me why and I said...

Because it's the Griffin Door.

She didn't get it. And didn't think it was funny when I explained it. I thought it might be better received here.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LemonAdeAid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2021
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My friend just died from a snake bite.

Police are now hunting for his cold-blooded killer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2022
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How do basilisks get into the Chamber of Secrets?

They slither in

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2021
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In order to go to Hogwarts...

... you need to Slither in through the Griffin door.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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The Swearing Snake

It was a sunny afternoon in the city, and a 29 foot Amazonian Anaconda slithered into a hipster burger store. The snake slithered up to the counter and looked over the menu to find that everything was gluten free. The anaconda was disappointed, because he always found that the light fluffy bread on each end of his burger was his favorite part of the burger.

The clerk greeted him with a smile. "Hello! My name is Hyun! Can I take your order?" he said.

The anaconda responded with a sentence so foul I cannot type it here. It contained several swear words and many racial slurs against his server, all because the burgers would be served without buns.

Hyun reeled back in disgust. He requested an apology from the snake. Again, the anaconda belted out horrible curses and vulgarities.

Hyun, being the good Christian man that he is, said that he would call upon his good friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism on the snake if he didn't leave. The snake finally slithered out upon hearing this.

About an hour later, the anaconda slithered back in with his owner. They approached the counter.

"Now what seems to be the problem here?" Said the anaconda's owner.

"This snake came in swearing up a storm and causing all kind of trouble all because we don't serve gluten in this restaurant" said Hyun.

"I threatened to call my friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism if he didn't leave."

"Oh" said the anaconda's owner "Sorry about that. My Anaconda don't want nun unless you got buns, Hyun".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unibod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2014
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