What is Richard Simmons doing in my house?

I didn't in-vitamin.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/DENelson83
📅︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley do after an argument?

They KISS and makeup

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
In honor of J.K. Simmons winning his Oscar for Whiplash...
👍︎ 62
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Nearly all the funniest jokes at Edinburgh Fringe is dad jokes

The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

  • "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
  • "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
  • "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
  • "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
  • "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
  • "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
  • "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
  • "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
  • "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The band Kiss decided to release their own pants clothing line.

It's called Jean Simmons.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my dad this morning

Major League Baseball fans will get this one.

We stayed at a hotel last night. This morning my dad was putting on his Craig Kimbrel t-shirt. He looked at me when I was wearing my Andrelton Simmons t-shirt.

Dad: "Sorry SigilOfStark, looks like we're twins today."

Me: "No, Dad. We're Braves."

I got a sensible chuckle from him and a well-deserved groan from my mom.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 29 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.