A total dad joke I made up last night- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?

An Incommunicado

Eh?!

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdooles11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the silent leader of the Autobots called?

Optimus Mime.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yojimbo67
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I invented a new game called Silent Tennis.

It’s like regular tennis but without the racquet.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad told me that back in the day, there was a silent movie parody of Sherlock Holmes called β€œCoke Ennyday”.

And I said, β€œIsn’t that a bit on the nose?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
If a pun happens and no one is around to hear it, is it a pun at all?

Question in study guide: The term evacuative proctography is also commonly called ____________.

Me studying alone: um, hmm....eeesh..not sure..idk. Oh wait, defacogram!

Also me, silently: can’t believe I just pulled that answer outta my ass

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seawoo10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife couldn't find her phone the other day...

Me: I'll just call it.

Her: you can't, it's on silent.

Me: well, if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

I got smacked for that one.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Akuyatsu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my girl friend when she lost her phone, it has a Beyonce case on it

Me: Do you want me to call it?

Her: It is on silent

Me: If you like it you should have put a ring on it

Her: Fuck you

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_var_log_messages
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
🚨︎ report
We're currently selling our house...

The GF called to say we had a viewing and asked what state the house was in... "Well, it's certainly not a gas...." sigh - phone goes silent - click Might be looking for a place on my own now.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JacksLackOfTrust
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 264
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
🚨︎ report
College class humor

In college I took a business law class from a very conservative and intense professor who intimidated us by calling us out to answer questions randomly.

One day the teacher was discussing Torts and called on me by name and then said, β€œGive me one type of Tort?”,

β€œPop-Tort”. I blurted out.

The room went completely silent as everyone was waiting for the professor to get very upset and then the unimaginable happened. The professor smiled then chuckled and then the class felt free to join in and laugh too.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randykates
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I couldn't find my phone...

I couldn't find my phone in the house. My dad told me to call it so I'd be able to locate it. "It's on silent," I said. To which my dad responded, "If you like it you should put a ring on it." and proceeded to laugh while I stood mortified.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anchal26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
🚨︎ report
Dads shit-wisdom

A few months ago we took a road trip to the more northern part of Washington, Friday Harbor. On our way, my father decided he needed to the bathroom. To which he said to momentarily our silent car. " I have to take a shit, can we hit the next rest stop?" (Everyone agrees as normal. Then about 45 seconds, to a minute later dad says this) "I don't get it, why is it called taking a shit? I'm leaving one!)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShellyMarsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Golf

I was in the car with my friends mom, on the way from the airport to go spend a week with my friend and his family in Utah. My friends dad was on speaker phone talking with my friends mom about her golf match the following day. The mom says, "It's an early match, at a place called Crater Springs." And the dad responds by asking, "Where is that, on the moon?" The car was silent until the dad and I started laughing hilariously. She got dad joked hard.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charboodie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.