I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnusfeli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.

I thought it was pretty cleaver.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vin135mm
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my son farts are sharp

They can cut the cheese

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ragin_Legend
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Just a moment ago, my hands began to convulse, my fingernails turned into sharp talons, my palms became thick, hairy, and tough. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and the feeling went away

I just had two paws for a moment

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Lookin sharp;)
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilyson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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A sausage says to the egg "You know, after they burn us up on that hot pan, they'll stab us with forks and cut us with their sharp knives...

The egg says to the sausage "wow, amazing - a talking sausage!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReceptionSweet383
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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Looking Sharp
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KunGDark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:

Time heals awl wounds.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I can’t win arguments against sharp knives

They’ve always got the best points

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCultofLoss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A sharp mind has placed this here
πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsyerboiTRESH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
That's some sharp wit right there.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach

He couldn't stand it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatdoginapan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I cant handle how sharp this is.
πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arbitrary_Bastion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...

It was A minor error.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Be careful, it’s sharp
πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicht-deutsch
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.

It was cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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I got an interview and told them I was proficient in C and C-sharp.

Turns out that wasn't good enough to be a pianist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Very sharp
πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lil_DYUZX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
That's sharp!
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Why can’t a reed knife be too sharp?

Because that’s not natural

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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An audience member asked me how I made the brisk sharp cracking sound with my hand.

I told her it was a snap.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend didn’t get why the top of the fence was so sharp

I said to him, β€œThat’s the point”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPoltergeist67
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter pointed at a spear and said β€œdaddy look it’s sharp”

I replied with β€œthat’s the point”

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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This looks sharp
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/someone56409
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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What do you call a sharp dot who points out directions for blind people

A pointy point who has no point in pointing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/casecracker108
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get off the merry-go-round!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
These guys are sharp
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_doge-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a sharp dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/khaosktrl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
On the dad joke scale, I got my first ever eye-roll and sharp exhale WITH a walk out of the room from my wife!

Me: Today was an awful day at work

Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it

Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a sharp dressed fellow on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed one on a tricycle?

A tire.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13FoxDan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp...

But everyone said it was tacky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackEyedBroad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do Italians like sharp angles?

Because they're acute

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jthamano
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do little, sharp sticks got depression?

cause life shard

:D

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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A sharp pencil said to the eraser "people sharpen pencils so they can use them a long time."

The eraser replied "you have a point."

-As told to me by seven-year-old Gibson M. L.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ucom1
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I am busy wrting a sharp joke , I just need to reword it

ti

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punnycobi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Now that I'm getting older, I'm not as sharp all the time as I used to be.

But since I'm a professional musician, my colleagues all seem to appreciate it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arksien
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
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A sharp pencil
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CastYourBread
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
🚨︎ report
I was shopping the other day and some really sharp clothes caught my eye.

It was really painful.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pigonawing1977
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Hitler love sharps and flats?

Because he only wants to play music that's not c.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sandwichrage
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sharp, Native American, ghost?

Pokey-haunt-us.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterExploder6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Filipina with something sharp in her eye?

A pinay

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohdaswet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend's razor sharp wit

So after half an hour of trying to shave with an old razor, I walk out of the bathroom and say to my boyfriend "Honey, remind me to get a new razor, this one's blunt." and he replies "Well, I don't think one that beats around the bush would be much use either."

Groans ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aggibridges
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
🚨︎ report

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