The mushroom.
It really takes me back man.
Husband "my sediments exactly"
I guess you could call this a Betty Whiteout
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Value kids for what they are. They are the only ones who know how to undo child-proof bottles of aspirins when you've got a splitting headache.
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Teach a nubile daughter by all means the old Christian saying that, 'you can't take it with you', but that doesn't mean she should start to give it away early.
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Discourage your daughter from wearing skirts which will give her chapped buttocks, and your son from wearing jeans making him liable to arrest for indecent enclosure.
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Teach your kids independence. Tell them that if they ever need a helping hand, there's one at the end of their arm.
Because they are sappy
Over 3 square sentimentals.
That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.
It still holds a special place in my heart.
It was sentimental sediment
Dad : "My dad used to build his own boats with wood from the forest and one day he brought me out with him to chop some wood and he stopped for a moment and looked at the tress, put his arm around me and said "One day son, all this will be oars."."
Me: Listen to mom. That’s......sound advice.
"What did the earthworm say when offered some soil?"
I don't know, what?
"No I'm good, but thank you for the sediment."
Him: I lost my marbles!
Me: Oh?
Him: Yeah, and they were sentiMENTAL to me!
He then laughed and put his hand up for a high five. He is truly his fathers son:) My husband is very proud!
Water-tight bundles of untraceable drug-dealer cash.
Lost somewhere on the beach between West Palm Beach and Nag's Head, NC.
Also, loose pirate treasure of gold or silver.
Sentimental value. Small reward offered.
EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.
It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.
Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.
Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.
Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.
We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.
Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?
My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.
But that's not why I come here.
I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'd been saving up change that I got from eating lunch at my university, and I had at least 20 dollars in coins. I stored them inside of a watch container my dad gave me along with one of his old watches for my last birthday, and he was pretty sentimental about it. When I got home that day, I couldn't find it, and asked my dad for help. He told me "You can't find that watch container ? Have you no cents?"
Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.
The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.
Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.
For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.
On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.
Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.
Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken
... keep reading on reddit ➡On a car ride with my dad and some friends, the subject of octopuses came up. One girl started blabbing facts and ended up saying "octopuses have 3 hearts" to which my dad replied "they must be very sentimental"
