Para Sailin w Sarah Palin.
Because he couldn't fill a buster.
Thatβs just unpresidented
They played rock paper Caesar
Bernie Sanders
It should be called Bill Gates.
Hi, I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan, I'm dad - Darth Vader
He wanted to practice socialist distancing
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
Dave Ponder is running for senator, but he and Sharon don't have any children. They want to be seen as a typical political family at any cost, and want to adopt. They stop by an adoption agency.
Dave talks with the administrator and mentions he's in a bit of a hurry with a photo shoot scheduled for next month. Reece, one of the little boys, overhears the conversation and says he'd be happy to be adopted. That was the moment that he became....
an emergency Reece Ponder.
His Chief of Staff explained to him that in the US, the First Amendment guaranteed all citizens the right to free speech, and that yes this did indeed include unflattering depictions in newspapers' editorial cartoons.
"You will be a simile, Ted"
They formed a subcommittee.
It's a cellphone battery charge
Once he returned, he said, "I didn't like their politics, but their army Israeli nice."
Presiding in his absence was the President Pro Temp-ura.
It's a wedge issue.
Dear Reddit Community,
I need a pun that includes the word senator for my upcoming student election. I figure the wit of 382K people can't fail me. Thank you for your service. Owl miss you.
It was Berine Sanders.
Because he was ab staining.
"Sure, its a Franken-Stein."
Knock Knock
Chancellor Palpatine:βwhoβs thereβ
Mysterious voice:βWindβ
Chancellor Palpatine:βWind who?β
Mace Windu :βIn the name of the galactic senate youβre under arrest, Chancellorβ
He shows up wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, so the judge asks "Are you a Sens fan?" The boy nods his head.
During the custody battle, he is later asked if he wants to live with his mom. His reply is "No, she beats me when drunk."
The judge asks in shock, "Okay, what about your father?"
The boy replies, "But he beats me every day when he comes home from a bad work day!"
With no other options, the jude states "We will have to send you to a foster home." The boy protests.
"Well, who do you want to live with?" the judge asks.
The boy thinks a moment and says ,"The Ottawa Senators. They're nice to people in need, and they don't beat anybody."
could I call it a Moscow Mitch?
Explanation: A cocktail called a Moscow Mule is served in copper mugs. The mint julep is Kentucky Derby's official drink, and Mitch McConnell is the senator from Kentucky who has blocked legislation to stop Russian interference in US elections, earning him the nickname "Moscow Mitch" among his critics.
The Senate will decide your fate.
- The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
The other day my son, who is almost three, walks into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. He looked up at the cabinet that has the cookies and such and pointed like he wanted something. I stoop down to pick him up and ask:
Me: "What's up, dude?" Son: (gesturing upwards like a Roman senator) "The ceiling!"
yep, yep it is kid.
In Australia, there is a fairly well known Labor Party senator called Penny Wong. Today my dad saw me reading something online about a much less well known Green Party senator named Penny Wright. On noticing the name, he says to me "With all these Penny's in the senate, I can't tell Wright from Wong."
...and there is a scene where Milo stabs the Senator through the arm with a mini sword.
My mom turns to me and says "He didn't have very good armer".
Rock paper Caesar
