I took a former Alaskan senator hang gliding ….

Para Sailin w Sarah Palin.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dcanderson4247
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did MegaMan, who lost all his ammo, make a bad senator?

Because he couldn't fill a buster.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2021
🚨︎ report
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments

That’s just unpresidented

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigg_UN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?

They played rock paper Caesar

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Party at the Roman Senate
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Melodic_Mulberry
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do politics and people who light campfires on beaches have in common?

Bernie Sanders

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Riley-Bieber
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
🚨︎ report
If Senate is a place where every bill needs to be pass through

It should be called Bill Gates.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doom_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a member of the Galactic Senate on a dimplomatic mission to Alderaan - Princess Leia

Hi, I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan, I'm dad - Darth Vader

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jwelshie64
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Bernie Sanders refuse to return to the Senate after the primaries?

He wanted to practice socialist distancing

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Caesar say to the Senate?
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WitchSavannah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at the Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amanbbi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I came up with this one yesterday when I saw a license plate

Dave Ponder is running for senator, but he and Sharon don't have any children. They want to be seen as a typical political family at any cost, and want to adopt. They stop by an adoption agency.

Dave talks with the administrator and mentions he's in a bit of a hurry with a photo shoot scheduled for next month. Reece, one of the little boys, overhears the conversation and says he'd be happy to be adopted. That was the moment that he became....

an emergency Reece Ponder.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmunkey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Senator Cruz didn't like it when an editorial cartoon depicted him as a Borg

His Chief of Staff explained to him that in the US, the First Amendment guaranteed all citizens the right to free speech, and that yes this did indeed include unflattering depictions in newspapers' editorial cartoons.

"You will be a simile, Ted"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone in the MO State Senate should introduce business-friendly legislation and call it the "Missouri Loves Companies" Bill.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frostmage82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What did congress do when it found out multiple senators were engaging in BDSM activities?

They formed a subcommittee.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ayhood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
GOP Senator David Perdue Faces Lawsuit After Snatching a Student's Phone

It's a cellphone battery charge

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daveberzack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
There was an American senator that was sent to Israel to examine its government.

Once he returned, he said, "I didn't like their politics, but their army Israeli nice."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/modstms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Mike Pence couldn’t make it to the Senate vote today because he had food poisoning from raw fish.

Presiding in his absence was the President Pro Temp-ura.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dingleingus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can't the senate decide on fries or salad?

It's a wedge issue.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Weazel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
🚨︎ report
In Need of Pun Artists

Dear Reddit Community,

I need a pun that includes the word senator for my upcoming student election. I figure the wit of 382K people can't fail me. Thank you for your service. Owl miss you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyManGuy24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't you light things for me like that.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the senator that got hot feet at the beach?

It was Berine Sanders.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Richiebay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Alice Roosevelt, daughter of Theodore Roosevelt, had a long-time extramarital affair with Senator William Borah. They had an illegitimate daughter together, Paulina Longworth, who Alice referred to as "Aurora Borah Alice" [from /r/todayilearned] en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emilvikstrom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did body painting stop the senator from casting a vote?

Because he was ab staining.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
And the Senator from the Pirate Party has the floor... reddit.com/r/todayilearne…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alverezz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2012
🚨︎ report
Asked Dad if the Senator from Minnesota has a beer mug

"Sure, its a Franken-Stein."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geohump
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
🚨︎ report
What are some other name puns like Hugh Mungus, Ben Dover, Phillip Mahole, Eric Shin...?
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LAXisFUN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2016
🚨︎ report
A Star Wars Knock knock joke

Knock Knock

Chancellor Palpatine:”who’s there”

Mysterious voice:”Wind”

Chancellor Palpatine:”Wind who?”

Mace Windu :”In the name of the galactic senate you’re under arrest, Chancellor”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-mmksquared
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A 7-year-old boy is sitting in court during his parents' custody battle.

He shows up wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, so the judge asks "Are you a Sens fan?" The boy nods his head.

During the custody battle, he is later asked if he wants to live with his mom. His reply is "No, she beats me when drunk."

The judge asks in shock, "Okay, what about your father?"

The boy replies, "But he beats me every day when he comes home from a bad work day!"

With no other options, the jude states "We will have to send you to a foster home." The boy protests.

"Well, who do you want to live with?" the judge asks.

The boy thinks a moment and says ,"The Ottawa Senators. They're nice to people in need, and they don't beat anybody."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ordered a Mint Julep in a copper mug

could I call it a Moscow Mitch?

Explanation: A cocktail called a Moscow Mule is served in copper mugs. The mint julep is Kentucky Derby's official drink, and Mitch McConnell is the senator from Kentucky who has blocked legislation to stop Russian interference in US elections, earning him the nickname "Moscow Mitch" among his critics.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elRobRex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did they say to Trump during the screening of Star Wars?

The Senate will decide your fate.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
New weights and measures
  1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My 3 year old is ready to be a dad

The other day my son, who is almost three, walks into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. He looked up at the cabinet that has the cookies and such and pointed like he wanted something. I stoop down to pick him up and ask:

Me: "What's up, dude?" Son: (gesturing upwards like a Roman senator) "The ceiling!"

yep, yep it is kid.

πŸ‘︎ 226
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spiegelprime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Political dad joke

In Australia, there is a fairly well known Labor Party senator called Penny Wong. Today my dad saw me reading something online about a much less well known Green Party senator named Penny Wright. On noticing the name, he says to me "With all these Penny's in the senate, I can't tell Wright from Wong."

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rikeus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
🚨︎ report
Mom and I were watching Pompeii last night...

...and there is a scene where Milo stabs the Senator through the arm with a mini sword.

My mom turns to me and says "He didn't have very good armer".

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beanbeenhereb4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
🚨︎ report
How did the Roman senators pick who will stab the emperor first?

Rock paper Caesar

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.