Two Roman senators were talking to each other
One asks the other, βWhat happened to Ubiquitous? He used to be around all the time.β
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︎ Nov 04 2022
BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent!
If you ask me, it's about time!
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︎ Mar 15 2022
If a PRO is the opposite of a CON...
What is the opposite of Progress?
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︎ Oct 26 2022
I was on a diabetes website and it asked me if I accept cookiesβ¦
Is this a trick question?
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︎ Sep 20 2022
Julius Caesar: Hey Brutus, are you coming to the Senate meeting tomorrow?
Brutus: Iβllβ¦β¦take a stab at it.
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︎ Jun 30 2022
Did you hear about the senator who got air sick on a flight to Washington?
He had a constitutional crisis.
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︎ Jun 18 2022
What do you call a Sith potato?
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︎ Oct 24 2022
I heard U.S. Senator Herb Kohl once wrote a bill that would standardize the ratios of carrots, mayonnaise, and cabbage in his favorite side dish.
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︎ Mar 22 2022
Why donβt clowns pay taxes?
Because all they earn is funny money.
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︎ Sep 17 2022
Petition to ban rants from this sub
Ants donβt even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
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︎ Jan 24 2022
How did the senators order their bills?
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︎ Mar 16 2022
I took a former Alaskan senator hang gliding β¦.
Para Sailin w Sarah Palin.
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︎ Aug 07 2021
Any salad can be a Ceasar salad...
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︎ Jul 25 2022
what do you call a group of cops out for drinks?
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︎ May 30 2022
Was sad to turn 40 so flew to Cancun, and the turbulence was so poignant, reflecting my failures and struggles as a man
But after reflecting, it may have just been a mid flight crisis
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︎ Aug 10 2022
What does the blanket say while falling of the bed?
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︎ Aug 02 2022
Why did MegaMan, who lost all his ammo, make a bad senator?
Because he couldn't fill a buster.
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︎ Jul 28 2021
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
Thatβs just unpresidented
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︎ Jan 13 2021
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Party at the Roman Senate
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︎ May 23 2020
I'm sick of people saying we don't take care of the elderly in the US.
We give them high paying jobs in the senate and white house.
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︎ Apr 06 2022
If Senate is a place where every bill needs to be pass through
It should be called Bill Gates.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I'm a member of the Galactic Senate on a dimplomatic mission to Alderaan - Princess Leia
Hi, I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan, I'm dad - Darth Vader
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︎ Feb 01 2020
The Senate majority leader refuses to acknowledge the election results.
Heβs acting like a real Mitch.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Why did Bernie Sanders refuse to return to the Senate after the primaries?
He wanted to practice socialist distancing
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︎ Mar 23 2020
What did the Caesar say to the Senate?
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︎ Mar 13 2019
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at the Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
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︎ Mar 16 2019
Senator Cruz didn't like it when an editorial cartoon depicted him as a Borg
His Chief of Staff explained to him that in the US, the First Amendment guaranteed all citizens the right to free speech, and that yes this did indeed include unflattering depictions in newspapers' editorial cartoons.
"You will be a simile, Ted"
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︎ Aug 31 2018
Someone in the MO State Senate should introduce business-friendly legislation and call it the "Missouri Loves Companies" Bill.
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︎ Jan 18 2018
There was an American senator that was sent to Israel to examine its government.
Once he returned, he said, "I didn't like their politics, but their army Israeli nice."
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︎ Mar 18 2017
What did congress do when it found out multiple senators were engaging in BDSM activities?
They formed a subcommittee.
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︎ Jun 28 2018
GOP Senator David Perdue Faces Lawsuit After Snatching a Student's Phone
It's a cellphone battery charge
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︎ Oct 22 2018
Why can't the senate decide on fries or salad?
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︎ Feb 26 2017
Mike Pence couldnβt make it to the Senate vote today because he had food poisoning from raw fish.
Presiding in his absence was the President Pro Temp-ura.
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︎ Jun 09 2018
Alice Roosevelt, daughter of Theodore Roosevelt, had a long-time extramarital affair with Senator William Borah. They had an illegitimate daughter together, Paulina Longworth, who Alice referred to as "Aurora Borah Alice" [from /r/todayilearned]
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aliβ¦
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︎ Dec 22 2014
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︎ Jan 05 2012
Did you hear about the senator that got hot feet at the beach?
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︎ Feb 04 2017
Why did body painting stop the senator from casting a vote?
Because he was ab staining.
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︎ Oct 14 2016
I came up with this one yesterday when I saw a license plate
Dave Ponder is running for senator, but he and Sharon don't have any children. They want to be seen as a typical political family at any cost, and want to adopt. They stop by an adoption agency.
Dave talks with the administrator and mentions he's in a bit of a hurry with a photo shoot scheduled for next month. Reece, one of the little boys, overhears the conversation and says he'd be happy to be adopted. That was the moment that he became....
an emergency Reece Ponder.
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︎ Jul 05 2021
In Need of Pun Artists
Dear Reddit Community,
I need a pun that includes the word senator for my upcoming student election. I figure the wit of 382K people can't fail me. Thank you for your service. Owl miss you.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
The US Senate FINALLY passed a bill to make Daylight Savings permanent.
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︎ Mar 15 2022
How did the Roman senators pick who will stab the emperor first?
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︎ Oct 04 2020
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