I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection...
She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
I saw a news report recently about how a certain thick, white, egg based condiment is secretly being manufactured using horse meat.
The FDA says to listen carefully when you open the jar because the tainted mayo neighs.
Ancient South American owls always worked together secretly.
I finally did it. I told my wife I had secretly married someone else.
When we arrived at the playground, I realised my son secretly brought the cat with him. I was about to be angry at him...
...but then I decided to let it slide.
Someone secretly randomized my playlist.
Now I’m left with an unchained meddley.
I’ve secretly converted to Norse Paganism
Shhh...I’m trying to keep it Loki
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway
....that's where most accidents happen
Two people agreed to never speak to each other secretly
It was an unspoken agreement.
Which melon is unable to secretly marry?
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
I secretly don't want 2020 the end..
Because then it'd mean 2021.
Why can't Melons secretly get married?
I'm secretly in love with a melon, but I ended it because I know everyone will find out
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.
I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
Some filmmakers were secretly trying to murder the lead actor in a low-budget flick, but he got wind of the plot and managed to escape. They took the existing footage and shopped it to different producers, but it was roundly rejected by everyone for the same reason.
I'm secretly a really cool person, but I can't let anyone know.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
There was once a baker who was secretly dating two women.
Their names were Edith and Kate. And neither one knew of the other.
The baker loved them both, but couldn't decide on who to remain loyal to.
When the women found out about their shared man, rather than fight, they decided to compromise.
The baker was thrilled because he finally could have his Kate and Edith too.
Proud dad moment... my 8yo daughter secretly made me a birthday card yesterday after I put her to bed
What did the grape say to MisterB78?
You’re such a grape dad!
My wife must secretly be a dad.
We were listening to the radio when a commercial came on for an event called "Golf for Autism." She turns to me and says, "well that's a shitty prize!"
My mate secretly booked a cruise for me in the world's longest river.
I'm completely in the Nile.
I like to claim that the Greek Orthodox secretly run the world through its financial networks…For some reason people are ok with that, try putting a different religion in there and suddenly you’re a conspiracy theorist and hate criminal
Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes
What do you call a T-Rex that secretly rules the world?
My friends secretly downloaded a 700MB exe file into my laptop.
I think it's a huge setup.
There was a man protesting the sale of tall ladders by climbing one over 15’ and acting like he slipped and fell, landing in a bush that was secretly a soft-landing pad.
It was a anti-climb antic.
How do you ensure your computer doesn’t secretly steal your data?
I think my girlfriend is secretly a Dad
This past week I've been working in a town where almost the entire infrastructure is based on mining. One night I was sitting in my hotel room talking to my girlfriend, and this happened.
Her: "I bet bars there get in trouble all the time."
Me: "Why do you say that?"
Her: "Because they serve miners."
The baker in my town was secretly a noble.
I guess he was well-bread.
I think Ernie might secretly be a dad.
My neighbour is an Olympian and I secretly really fancy her so I'm helping her out at the opening ceremony...
I'm carrying a torch for her.
Did you hear the conspiracy about almonds secretly controlling the world?
They're called the illuminutty.
I was planning to secretly make chili.
...but then somebody spilled the beans.
I'm pretty sure the fleshlight is secretly manufactured by the illuminaughty.
Who does everyone in r/dad jokes secretly hope wins the French election?
I think my history teacher is secretly a redditor.
So we were talking about titanic in class when my teacher pulled this one out
Friend: So I hear they're going to make another titanic.
Teacher: Oh god. I've got a sinking feeling about this one.
Everyone groaned. Except from me I chuckled. I have no regrets.
I think my friend secretly wants to be a dad.
I was volunteering at a soup kitchen with a friend of mine when she randomly started asking about the zoo being open.
Me: I think they're open, they usually always are.
Her: I've really been wanting to visit, do you want to go?
Me: Today?
Her: No to the zoo.
She then proceeded to laugh for five minutes straight.
I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I think my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapon collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I am convinced that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.
She keeps denying it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I'm very suspicious that someone in my family has been secretly adding glue to my weapons collection...
Everyone denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns...
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side?
I mean, imagine all the peepholes!
I think my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapon collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
