How does a military fanatic season their food?

With a salt rifle and pepper spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jzerene
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.

I take it with a pinch of sugar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Why do gymnasts never season their food in the winter?

Because they only like summer salts.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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What do you call chefs who over-season their food?

Thyme wasters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toxic_Gorilla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
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What firearm is used to perfectly season food?

An As-salt rifle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/codesnowman13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2016
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My Dad trying to be clever in the Kitchen

My Dad and I were getting dinner ready when I quizzed him on how he seasoned the chicken and gravy mixture he was fawning over.

"Uh I haven't put anything in but the chicken, and the gravy."

"Were you going to season it?"

"Wasn't planning on it." he finished, apparently done with the conversation as his full attention was now on whatever football game was on. I decided if he wasn't going to take the initiative and make our food taste like something other than bland than I would.

"Here Dad put in some garlic," I said as i started grabbing spices from the cabinet.

"Some basil, salt, pepper, thyme... " I didn't see any thyme in here which was too bad because it would be just the thing for this.

"Hey DAD do we have any thyme left?" I asked him a little louder than I had been talking before.

"Time for what?" he asked, finally breaking his attention from the flat screen, a severely confused and almost worrried look cemented on his brow. And then, as quick as a camera lens closing to capture a shot, he winked.

.

.

.

TL;DR I'm pretty sure you have enough thyme to read it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/erydayimredditing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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PSA: Never take your dad to DeDutch.

Be courteous to the DeDutch waitstaff (and to yourself) this holiday season by leaving your dads at home before dining at DeDutch. Following is just a small sample of jokes that your dad WILL make after ordering his DeBratwurst from DeLunch menu on his DeClub card.

  • I have to go to DeWashroom.
  • When the waitress asks how the food is, the only responses will be either "DeLightful", or "DeLicious".
  • Pass DeSalt.
  • Make sure to leave a good Detip for the DeService!
  • You've got DeHollandaise sauce on your DeShirt!

The waitstaff will pretend to laugh every time. But secretly they die inside a little every time.

It's really quite DeSpicable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddSap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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How does a cop season their food?

With assault and pepper spray!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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