My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
A Lot
A NaCl duster.
A salt
With a shakedown from seasoned officers.
I accidentally knocked over the salt shaker near my Dad
He said "Help. I've been assaulted".
Assault with a deadly weapon!
they are here to spice you up!
"Dad, can you pass the salt?"
"Surely." points at the salt shaker approvingly "You get a B+."
"Dad."
(This happened at least once a week)
He pulled out a menu and a salt shaker, and started to make the salt peer from the menu, as if stalking my girlfriend.
Her: "What are you doing...."
Her dad: "You're about to get asSALTed"
So we were out at a restaurant for her birthday and we're both teasing each other. She got in a really good zinger on me and with no comeback I grabbed the salt shaker and put a very small amount of salt on her fries as a joke.
She puts down her fork and with a completely series face says "I'm inSALTed".
So I was at a pub getting some pre-concert eats and the waitress comes over with the appy plates and salt and pepper shakers.
She accidentally knocks the salt over and without missing a beat I yelled "That's a salt!" I could just feel the pub-wide groan.
So thanks all you of r/dadjokes. That one was for you.
We were both extremely tired from having little sleep and we were at this diner before checking in for the night. I put my head down for a second while we waited for food and she told me she'd assault me if I didn't wake up. I promptly ignored her then felt this weird sensation on my arms and neck. I look up to see she's been using a salt shaker on me.
(picks up the salt shaker and his knife)
Dad: Assault, with a deadly weapon!
Mom: Where is the salt? Step-dad: In the shaker
I erupt in laughter
My sister spilt the salt shaker on my lap.
DAD: Waitress! This lady just aSSAULTed my son!
Me: someone toss me the salt.
Dad: throws open salt shaker to me (salt gets everywhere)
Me: you a-salted me.
Today at Tarjay me and this qt3.14 were stocking shelves, when out of no where she starts attacking me with a salt shaker. I look at her and say "stop assaulting me". She rolled her eyes and cracked a smile, all the while I'm laughing at my own joke. I think I still might have a chance.
