Phil
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
Well, toucan play at that game.
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
She said apple-lutely
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
second hand stores!
it's Hans free now..
Old Neeeeiiiiighvy
EDIT: The final section was larger than the other sections by double so the schedule has been updated. Please see the May Joint Schedule post for the updated schedule. Thanks :)
Hey folks. Super sorry it's 2 days late and a bit hurried at that, but here is discussion post number 2. The rest of the posts will be up on time from now on...
Summary
Ice-nine has the power to freeze water the world over. Dr. Breed denies its existence. However, Felix Hoenikker did create it, and after he died on Chrismas eve the 3 Hoenikker children split the ice-nine chip between them. John/Jonah believes the ice-nine chips are his karass.
John/Jonah visits Dr. Hoenikker's lab. It is filled with 10-cent store toys. After he heads by cab to the cemetery to see Dr. Hoenikker's tomb. He arrives to see a large phallic marker 20ft high. On closer inspection this is Mrs. Hoenikker's tomb inscribed by the 3 children and paid for with the Nobel Prize money (along with a cottage on Cape Cod). Dr. Hoenikker's tomb is a 40cm wide marble cube. The cab driver wished to see his mothers tomb before leaving and John/Jonah complies. At the tombstone salesroom they meet Dr. Asa Breed's brother, Marvin Breed, who had once been in love with the beautiful Emily Hoenikker when they were at high school. Asa stole her away on returning from M.I.T, but she ended up marrying Felix. The cab driver is fixated on a 100 year stone old angel that is not for sale but was commissioned by a German immigrant to mark the grave of his wife who died of smallpox when passing through Illum. The surname is the same as John/Jonah's. Breed tells how Frank Hoenikker hitch hiked away after his fathers funeral and hasn't been seen since. Frank is wanted by the police, but Breed says it was an unfortunate accident that got him involved with Florida gansters. He believes Frank is dead. Newt left town with Angela and later flunked out of Cornell Med school. Breed tells how Angela the 6ft tall clarinet player was pulled out of high school by Hoenikker to take care of them.
John/Jonah visits the hobby shop Franklin used to work at and the owner Jack shows him the model world Frank built in the basement.
John/Jonah returns to his NYC apartment to find it trashed and his cat dead after allowing Sherman Krebbs to crash. Krebbs is nowhere to be found.
Later John/Jonah discovers a picture of 26 year old Major General Franklin Hoenikker, Minister of Science and Progress in the Republic of San Lorenzo. Frank arrive
... keep reading on reddit ➡10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
A buck-an-ear!
I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!
Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
That was the punchline
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
Feyonce
