This one received both a roomful of groans and applause!
Yesterday I was doing Concert practice - fairly standard for a music student, play some songs (with a band), receive some constructive criticism, if there's time, play it again, see if it improved.
So after aforementioned criticism the band and I are about to play again when one of the singers points the mic at the speaker (accidentally) and painfully loud feedback assaults our ears.
In the following silence, I commented: "That's the least useful feedback we've had all day!"
...silence.
Then approximately forty people groaning in unison, which gave way to applause for my awful dadjoke.
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
You are in a cold room without any blanket and Sweater what will you do?
Go to the corners because it's 90° there.
I saw another coworker using the mayonnaise with my name on it from the fridge in the break room.
I said to him, “What the Hellman?”
Pun enters a room, kills 10 people....
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.
I needed a creative outlet.
Me to son: Go pick up your room.
Son: I can’t.
Me: And why not?
Son: Because it’s too heavy!
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."
The hottest place in a room is the corners.
I just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room.
I just had no idea she was a superhero.
A man and a woman walk into a room full of stuff
The woman asks:
"What is your favorite object in this room?"
The man replies:
"You."
Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel room....
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
Why do they call the top rooms in a hotel the suite?
'Cause when you open the door to walk in you say .... 'sweeeeet'
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
Why did the pilot get sent to his room
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
A horse broke into my room while I was asleep.
Where should you go in a room if you’re feeling cold?
The corner – they’re usually 90 degrees.
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
No room for discourage-mint 💪💪
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.
We were maid for each other.
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
I bought my friend an Elephant for her room...
She said "thanks". I said "don't mention it"
What did the winemaker say when he ran out of room?
Ah bugger, I’m out of Cabernet space!
I wondered why my daughter was throwing all my Stephen King books around the room. And then…
What room does a ghost not have in their house?
A living room.
Happy Halloween!
I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's room with Marijuana.
Neo met Reese Witherspoon in a hotel room
after some time he said goodbye to his friend, Reese Wither
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
The Hammer Time dance should be considered a ball room dance.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire...
I don't know what to wear to the living room New Year's Eve
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.
I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.
Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad." He replied.
Pun enters a room...
...and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
I've just found some whips, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room....
Absolutely had no idea she was a superhero !!!
Pun walks into a room with 10 people and kills them all.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
Why did the aeroplane get sent to his room?
Why did the airplane get sent to his room?
Because of his bad altitude.
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