I think itβs a pun
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 05 2019
When my wife found me playing with my sonβs train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
I admit itβs a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
π︎ 64
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
LPT: If you are trying to stay in a hotel thatβs completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is βimprovementβ.
Because thereβs always room for improvement.
π︎ 357
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
No no, heβs got a point
π︎ 52
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Itβs a barbie queue
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
A man walks into his doctorβs office and says, βDoctor, I think Iβm addicted to Twitter.β
The doctor looks at him and says, βSorry, I donβt follow you."
π︎ 790
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Saw this one in Walmart, itβs a baby shirt!!
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
In Sweden, footraces sometimes start a short distance away from the countryβs eastern border.
The winner is the first person to cross the Finnish line.
π︎ 231
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
What is a priestβs favorite spice?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahβs Witness?
Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
Whatβs the difference between my wife and a lightbulb
You can unscrew a lightbulb
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Itβs been years since the show ended, and Iβm a little annoyed that people are still making βFriendsβ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
π︎ 119
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
Whatβs the difference between someone going to prison and a guy who has a mobile knife sharpening business?
One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated
π︎ 34
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Whatβs a more concrete term for butt crack?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
What do you call a hippieβs wife?
π︎ 102
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
What is a crowβs favorite drink?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Ngl, itβs kinda hard sometimes to have a penis
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Whatβs orange and sounds like a parrot?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife, "How do you spell Hawaii?" Glancing at what he wrote, she replied, "You need two iβs."
Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isnβt it!?"
π︎ 409
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
Whatβs a pirateβs favorite letter?
Youβd think itβd be R, but it be the C!
π︎ 44
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
Whatβs the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
Whatβs a 4 letter for a woman ending with βuntβ?
π︎ 233
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
I asked my wife, βDid you know thereβs a fruit that gives you your entire potassium requirement for the day?β
My wife: Thatβs bananas.
Me: I know, I couldnβt believe it either.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Feb 23 2021
What is a mathematicianβs favorite tree?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
What happens when a frogβs car breaks down?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
Whatβs the best thing to wear for a court ?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
No no, heβs got a point
π︎ 117
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
What is a skinny skeletonβs bones made out of?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Hersheyβs and Ikea have joined together to sell a chocolate pet.
Just picked up a KΓ―t KaΓ‘t. Now to put it together...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
Iβm thinking about becoming a proctologist who offers advice regarding peopleβs butts.
Anything I can rectum mend?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
How do you get a farmerβs daughter to like you?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
What do you call a wolf in sheepβs clothing?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
Whatβs a scientistβs favorite flavor of gum?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
If thereβs a line of gay people, itβs not a straight line...
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Hereβs a joke in Spanish:
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
Just a s**tpost
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
What is a thiefβs house made out of?
Steal.
Courtesy of my daughter.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Thereβs two old men sitting on their front porch when a dog comes up and starts licking itβs junk
One of the old men goes, man I wish I could do that.
The other says, you canβt do that. That dogβll bite you.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
Whatβs it called when you put a cow in an elevator?
π︎ 51
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
A friend of mine makes good money selling camelβs milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
What is a choirβs favorite part of dinner?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Whatβs the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Whatβs a sheepβs favorite song?
Baaabra Ann
Courtesy of my 5 year old.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Whatβs the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
π︎ 131
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Iβm selling a TV for $1, but itβs broken and itβs stuck on the highest volume.
Itβs something you canβt turn down!
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
Itβs philosophy at a higher pitch than usual...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
Whatβs an ideal name for a Vietnamese-Italian fusion restaurant?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Whatβs another name for a pro angler?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
What do you call a can opener thatβs broken?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
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