You look like a rusty nail, are you hammered?
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👤︎ u/btsGlory
📅︎ Jul 15 2020
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What parts of Pop Eye never get rusty?

The parts he dips in Olive Oyl.

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👤︎ u/LeDoHell
📅︎ May 19 2020
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What does a rusty can of spray-on rust remover smell like?

Irony

Edit: Quality puns in here folks, keep it up! Make your dads proud!

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📅︎ Sep 11 2018
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I drove over a rusty nail yesterday

I retired since then

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📅︎ Mar 19 2019
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One night, beneath a full moon, I cut my hand on a rusty shed.

Now I'm a werehouse.

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📅︎ Oct 03 2018
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Be careful to not sit on rusty nails...

...you might get arse-nic poisoning.

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👤︎ u/Drondol
📅︎ Sep 24 2018
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What does a rusty cow say?

MgOOO!!!

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📅︎ Oct 10 2016
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Why did the rusty bolt go to the bar?

To loosen up.

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📅︎ Mar 22 2018
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What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

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👤︎ u/notdadbot
📅︎ Nov 07 2019
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My coworker was complaining that her Perl was getting rusty

I reminded her that pearls are not metal, and cannot oxidize.

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📅︎ Jul 14 2016
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Top notch material at the Rusty Nail bar

On vacation in Cape May in New Jersey, and there is a bar called the Rusty Nail. Conversation went like this: Me: "Oh look the Rusty Nail" Dad: "Yeah let's go get HAMMERED at the Rusty Nail!" Heard the sighs from inside the bar.

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👤︎ u/Tylera102
📅︎ Jun 09 2014
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I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.

I was tossing all night.

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📅︎ Aug 13 2019
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What's the opposite of irony?

Wrinkley

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👤︎ u/shredbmc
📅︎ Aug 19 2018
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I have officially become my father with this dadjoke (I'm a girl).

I was at an Arabic-themed pop-up bar with some friends last weekend, where all the drinks were named for places and things relating to the Arab world, etc. Everyone's favorite drink was a punch called "Fuck ISIS" (which was delicious), and I said "Wow, a punch named for a current event... I guess one could call it... topical punch."

Ba-dum psh.

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📅︎ Oct 19 2014
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I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers

He said he needed a ranch hand.

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👤︎ u/dmethvin
📅︎ Oct 20 2018
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My Dad got me when I was 16, bleeding in a field and in agony.

I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.

Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.

About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.

People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.

He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".

In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".

He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"

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👤︎ u/sennais1
📅︎ Dec 03 2014
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Why did Mars screw up its piano recital?

It was a little rusty.

(Most of the rock on Mars has iron in it, and it's oxidized over the millenia, so it's rusty, which is why it's red.)

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👤︎ u/CrackedP0t
📅︎ Mar 29 2015
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What's the difference between an old crab and a horny Chinese person killed by a bulldozer?

One is a rusty crustacean , the other is a lusty crushed Asian.

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📅︎ Oct 22 2018
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The perfect PB&J...

My wife asked me to make our child a PB&J sammich for his lunch.
I told her that my native american relative tought me how to make the perfect PB&J.
She asked which one? And I said:
Uncle Rusty Bull.
From the Smuckers tribe.

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📅︎ Mar 30 2017
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3 Dads

R's son was on the HS fencing team. Now at College. Me: Is B on the fencing team in college? R: No. He competed in only a couple of events his Sr. year in HS. G: So he didn't stick with it. Me: If you don't keep up you get rusty. R: He lost his edge... Me: I get the point

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👤︎ u/C4Dave
📅︎ Oct 15 2016
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I asked my dad for a book recommendation...

Dad: "Rusty Bed Springs, by I.P. Knightly"

.... Thanks dad.

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📅︎ Sep 02 2016
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The cast of The Wizard of Oz were asked if they would consider acting in a sequel...

They all said yes except for the Tin Man. He was a bit rusty.

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👤︎ u/Kopextacy
📅︎ Aug 18 2016
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Got on on the wife this morning doing yard work

Was trimming a palm tree this morning and a piece came flying down at my wife and she said did you see how close that got to me, I turned at her from my perched position on the ladder with a huge smile and replied 'oh I saw' as I brandished my rusty saw, quite proudly.

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👤︎ u/theedeacon
📅︎ Apr 19 2014
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I drove right over a rusty nail in the middle of the road

I retired since then

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📅︎ Mar 04 2019
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