Rustie Puns

The parts he dips in Olive Oyl.

Irony

Edit: Quality puns in here folks, keep it up! Make your dads proud!

I retired since then

Now I'm a werehouse.

...you might get arse-nic poisoning.

MgOOO!!!

To loosen up.

A tuba toothpaste.

On vacation in Cape May in New Jersey, and there is a bar called the Rusty Nail. Conversation went like this: Me: "Oh look the Rusty Nail" Dad: "Yeah let's go get HAMMERED at the Rusty Nail!" Heard the sighs from inside the bar.

I was tossing all night.

Wrinkley

I was at an Arabic-themed pop-up bar with some friends last weekend, where all the drinks were named for places and things relating to the Arab world, etc. Everyone's favorite drink was a punch called "Fuck ISIS" (which was delicious), and I said "Wow, a punch named for a current event... I guess one could call it... topical punch."

Ba-dum psh.

He said he needed a ranch hand.

I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.

Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.

About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.

People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.

He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".

In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".

He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"

It was a little rusty.

(Most of the rock on Mars has iron in it, and it's oxidized over the millenia, so it's rusty, which is why it's red.)

One is a rusty crustacean , the other is a lusty crushed Asian.

My wife asked me to make our child a PB&J sammich for his lunch.
I told her that my native american relative tought me how to make the perfect PB&J.
She asked which one? And I said:
Uncle Rusty Bull.
From the Smuckers tribe.

R's son was on the HS fencing team. Now at College. Me: Is B on the fencing team in college? R: No. He competed in only a couple of events his Sr. year in HS. G: So he didn't stick with it. Me: If you don't keep up you get rusty. R: He lost his edge... Me: I get the point

Dad: "Rusty Bed Springs, by I.P. Knightly"

.... Thanks dad.

They all said yes except for the Tin Man. He was a bit rusty.

Was trimming a palm tree this morning and a piece came flying down at my wife and she said did you see how close that got to me, I turned at her from my perched position on the ladder with a huge smile and replied 'oh I saw' as I brandished my rusty saw, quite proudly.

I retired since then