Thanks for your patience on this one! I was sick.
Mike figures out that by outside baggage claim Ximena meant outside, so he takes his bags for a walk and finds her, wearing the classiest pair of stilts to meet feet outside of a voguing competition.
Mike: (Stares.)
Ximena: (Blinks.)
“I’m starting to think this language thing is going to be an issue,” Mike admits.
Ximena has been to the Caleb School of Greetings, and notes that Mike is pretty adorable, but shorter than she expected.
“When he said he looked like an elf, I thought Legolas,” Ximena explains. “I did not realize he meant in a workshop building toys.”
After a quiet cab ride, their silence is interrupted by a call that Mike deletes a bit too quickly. No one keeps their phone that tidy. Ximena lobs a few suspicious questions in his direction, which makes Mike happy, since he sees it as a woman rubbing her armpits on his head before the other she-people rally to claim his thoughts.
“Yes. The questions about this phone call are very romantic. Very.” Jasmine wants to remind you she’s not fucking around. “He should not have a phone, or eyes.”
They stop for lunch, and it’s clear that Mike’s understanding of Spanish is limited to what he could glean from Legos instructions.
“This is a drink!” Mike begins, wondering if the waitress lied to him about the promised alcohol content. “Traffic New York eat tired, yes, work.”
“Yes. Te amo,” Ximena falls back on old ideas, while growing increasingly uncomfortable with Mike and his zero preguntas and no habla of the espanol, and his weird fish pucker that suggests his interest in another kiss. They agree that solutions are for assholes, so they just stare into the void like the mom from Get Out stirred them into her creepcup and then ordered them to sink.
“I just know I’m going to wake up with an old man inside of me,” Ximena says as she hunts for a camera flash.
Mike’s first ever 37 hour day continues, as lunch is chased by the surprising news that he’ll be meeting Ximena’s entire extended family.
“I think her second cousins are even here,” Mike’s never been more grateful for the language barrier. “I didn’t bring enough toys. Even if everyone only takes one marker.”
Juan and Harold are nervous at first, but both are super happy to meet Mike.
“He’s like a dad, but there’s no bars,” Harold has thoughts.
Despite the sweetness of this intro, those rascals at 90DF can’t resist zooming in on Mike’s arm around Harold, like he’s Woody All
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Thanks for your patience! I was sick.
Mike figures out that by outside baggage claim Ximena meant outside, so he takes his bags for a walk and finds her, wearing the classiest pair of stilts to meet feet outside of a voguing competition.
Mike: (Stares.)
Ximena: (Blinks.)
“I’m starting to think this language thing is going to be an issue,” Mike admits.
Ximena has been to the Caleb School of Greetings, and notes that Mike is pretty adorable, but shorter than she expected.
“When he said he looked like an elf, I thought Legolas,” Ximena explains. “I did not realize he meant in a workshop building toys.”
After a quiet cab ride, their silence is interrupted by a call that Mike deletes a bit too quickly. No one keeps their phone that tidy. Ximena lobs a few suspicious questions in his direction, which makes Mike happy, since he sees it as a woman rubbing her armpits on his head before the other she-people rally to claim his thoughts.
“Yes. The questions about this phone call are very romantic. Very.” Jasmine wants to remind you she’s not fucking around. “He should not have a phone, or eyes.”
They stop for lunch, and it’s clear that Mike’s understanding of Spanish is limited to what he could glean from Legos instructions.
“This is a drink!” Mike begins, wondering if the waitress lied to him about the promised alcohol content. “Traffic New York eat tired, yes, work.”
“Yes. Te amo,” Ximena falls back on old ideas, while growing increasingly uncomfortable with Mike and his zero preguntas and no habla of the espanol, and his weird fish pucker that suggests his interest in another kiss. They agree that solutions are for assholes, so they just stare into the void like the mom from Get Out stirred them into her creepcup and then ordered them to sink.
“I just know I’m going to wake up with an old man inside of me,” Ximena says as she hunts for a camera flash.
Mike’s first ever 37 hour day continues, as lunch is chased by the surprising news that he’ll be meeting Ximena’s entire extended family.
“I think her second cousins are even here,” Mike’s never been more grateful for the language barrier. “I didn’t bring enough toys. Even if everyone only takes one marker.”
Juan and Harold are nervous at first, but both are super happy to meet Mike.
“He’s like a dad, but there’s no bars,” Harold has thoughts.
Despite the sweetness of this intro, those rascals at 90DF can’t resist zooming in on Mike’s arm around Harold, like he’s Woody Allen looking f
... keep reading on reddit ➡Friends, I was so sick this week. Not even kittens could cure it. Without further ado:
Mike figures out that by outside baggage claim Ximena meant outside, so he takes his bags for a walk and finds her, wearing the classiest pair of stilts to meet feet outside of a voguing competition.
Mike: (Stares.)
Ximena: (Blinks.)
“I’m starting to think this language thing is going to be an issue,” Mike admits.
Ximena has been to the Caleb School of Greetings, and notes that Mike is pretty adorable, but shorter than she expected.
“When he said he looked like an elf, I thought Legolas,” Ximena explains. “I did not realize he meant in a workshop building toys.”
After a quiet cab ride, their silence is interrupted by a call that Mike deletes a bit too quickly. No one keeps their phone that tidy. Ximena lobs a few suspicious questions in his direction, which makes Mike happy, since he sees it as a woman rubbing her armpits on his head before the other she-people rally to claim his thoughts.
“Yes. The questions about this phone call are very romantic. Very.” Jasmine wants to remind you she’s not fucking around. “He should not have a phone, or eyes.”
They stop for lunch, and it’s clear that Mike’s understanding of Spanish is limited to what he could glean from Legos instructions.
“This is a drink!” Mike begins, wondering if the waitress lied to him about the promised alcohol content. “Traffic New York eat tired, yes, work.”
“Yes. Te amo,” Ximena falls back on old ideas, while growing increasingly uncomfortable with Mike and his zero preguntas and no habla of the espanol, and his weird fish pucker that suggests his interest in another kiss. They agree that solutions are for assholes, so they just stare into the void like the mom from Get Out stirred them into her creepcup and then ordered them to sink.
“I just know I’m going to wake up with an old man inside of me,” Ximena says as she hunts for a camera flash.
Mike’s first ever 37 hour day continues, as lunch is chased by the surprising news that he’ll be meeting Ximena’s entire extended family.
“I think her second cousins are even here,” Mike’s never been more grateful for the language barrier. “I didn’t bring enough toys. Even if everyone only takes one marker.”
Juan and Harold are nervous at first, but both are super happy to meet Mike.
“He’s like a dad, but there’s no bars,” Harold has thoughts.
Despite the sweetness of this intro, those rascals at 90DF can’t resist zooming in on Mike’s a
... keep reading on reddit ➡Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
