If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that heβs cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. Sheβs puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
What do you get when an alternating current and a direct current run into each other in a wire?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Every once in a while you run into a truly eccentric proctologist
You know, one crazy ass doctor
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Why didn't Joe run for office in 2016?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
A bloke runs in to a bar and says. Quick how tall are penguins? The barman says about three feet. The man groans and says :--
I have just run over a NUN
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
He might have lost this election but he will probably run again in 4 years...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
If you run in front of a car
You will get tired. And if you run behind a car, you will get exhausted
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells βitβs a bacon treeβ then runs to it and is shot up with bullets
It wasnβt a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
A man who runs in front of a car gets tired,
a man who runs behind a car gets exhausted.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Alcoholics donβt run in my family
But sometimes they fall down the stairs.
π︎ 77
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump
A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards
He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
You can't run in a campground
You can only ran because it's past tents
π︎ 40
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree thatβs draped in bacon. βA bacon tree ! Weβre saved!β He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
/r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/β¦
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Ever run out of water in the mountains?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, βyou will die in 10 days.β I replied, βwho are you??β
He said, βI hate to be the bear of bad news.β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
What does the creator of flex tape run in?
Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
A Teacher asked his student How many runs can a ball get you in cricket...?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 23 2020
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips/commβ¦
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening heβs absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend βWhy I have to change my position every time?β
He replies βI know, this sub is full of repostsβ
π︎ 223
π
︎ Aug 10 2019
My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...
That's pretty whiskey business.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
My grandad of 85 sent me these today. Runs in the family. (Last one is funny if you know Hindi)
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jan 28 2019
Every time the doorbell rings, my dog runs and stands in the corner.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Aug 20 2019
Two elderly women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. One woman has a stroke.
The other couldnβt reach.
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jul 07 2019
What do you call a long race in which only female horses can run?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 29 2019
They say depression runs in my family
I guess I have blue genes
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 18 2019
Did you hear about the hit and run in Nepal?
They found Himalayan in the street!
π︎ 245
π
︎ Mar 19 2019
You canβt run in a campground
You can only ran because itβs past tents. This came from my math teacher. Sorry if this has been posted before.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 16 2019
My friend started a java joint run by himself in Tel Aviv...
It's call HeBrews Coffee.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 28 2019
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 27 2019
My girlfriend said itβd really be a nice birthday surprise if I got her something to run around in.
So I bought her a tracksuit.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
If Michelle Obama were to run for president in 2020 on the campaign promise of legalizing marijuana, what would her campaign slogan be?
When they go low, we get high.
π︎ 19
π
︎ May 09 2019
Witnessed in the wild, old dude talking to a sick little kid: Did you know that if your nose runs and your feet smell you're built upside down?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jul 14 2019
There is a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo and Frodo run into a long lost hipster cousin.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 06 2019
A drug dealer with a lisp lived in a run down house
You could say it was a meth.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 06 2019
Dad does dementia run in the family?
"I don't remember." (Offical dad joke from my dad)
π︎ 56
π
︎ Feb 18 2019
I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.
I sent his family my Gondolences.
π︎ 240
π
︎ Apr 10 2018
If you run in front of a car...
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Sep 20 2018
You canβt run in a campsite.
You can only ran, because itβs past tents.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
You cant run in a campground
You can only ran, because its past tents.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
He who runs in front of a car
π︎ 23
π
︎ Oct 27 2019
Confucious say a man who runs in front of bus gets tired.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
π︎ 89
π
︎ May 06 2019
You canβt run in a campsite, you can only ran
Because itβs past tents
π︎ 108
π
︎ Jan 18 2019
Why can't you run in a campsite?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
π︎ 174
π
︎ Jul 13 2018
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