If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
What do you get when an alternating current and a direct current run into each other in a wire?
Every once in a while you run into a truly eccentric proctologist
You know, one crazy ass doctor
Why didn't Joe run for office in 2016?
A bloke runs in to a bar and says. Quick how tall are penguins? The barman says about three feet. The man groans and says :--
I have just run over a NUN
He might have lost this election but he will probably run again in 4 years...
If you run in front of a car
You will get tired. And if you run behind a car, you will get exhausted
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells “it’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets
It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
A man who runs in front of a car gets tired,
a man who runs behind a car gets exhausted.
Alcoholics don’t run in my family
But sometimes they fall down the stairs.
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump
A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards
He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping
You can't run in a campground
You can only ran because it's past tents
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
Ever run out of water in the mountains?
I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, “you will die in 10 days.” I replied, “who are you??”
He said, “I hate to be the bear of bad news.”
What does the creator of flex tape run in?
Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!
A Teacher asked his student How many runs can a ball get you in cricket...?
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend “Why I have to change my position every time?”
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...
That's pretty whiskey business.
My grandad of 85 sent me these today. Runs in the family. (Last one is funny if you know Hindi)
Every time the doorbell rings, my dog runs and stands in the corner.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
Two elderly women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. One woman has a stroke.
The other couldn’t reach.
What do you call a long race in which only female horses can run?
They say depression runs in my family
I guess I have blue genes
Did you hear about the hit and run in Nepal?
They found Himalayan in the street!
You can’t run in a campground
You can only ran because it’s past tents. This came from my math teacher. Sorry if this has been posted before.
My friend started a java joint run by himself in Tel Aviv...
It's call HeBrews Coffee.
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?
My girlfriend said it’d really be a nice birthday surprise if I got her something to run around in.
So I bought her a tracksuit.
If Michelle Obama were to run for president in 2020 on the campaign promise of legalizing marijuana, what would her campaign slogan be?
When they go low, we get high.
Witnessed in the wild, old dude talking to a sick little kid: Did you know that if your nose runs and your feet smell you're built upside down?
There is a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo and Frodo run into a long lost hipster cousin.
A drug dealer with a lisp lived in a run down house
You could say it was a meth.
Dad does dementia run in the family?
"I don't remember." (Offical dad joke from my dad)
I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.
I sent his family my Gondolences.
If you run in front of a car...
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
You can’t run in a campsite.
You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
You cant run in a campground
You can only ran, because its past tents.
He who runs in front of a car
Confucious say a man who runs in front of bus gets tired.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
You can’t run in a campsite, you can only ran
Why can't you run in a campsite?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.