If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.

It would be a Pangea breakfast

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when an alternating current and a direct current run into each other in a wire?

A good rock band.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BioWoLFex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Every once in a while you run into a truly eccentric proctologist

You know, one crazy ass doctor

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't Joe run for office in 2016?

He was Biden his time.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inTRONet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A bloke runs in to a bar and says. Quick how tall are penguins? The barman says about three feet. The man groans and says :--

I have just run over a NUN

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
He might have lost this election but he will probably run again in 4 years...

He's just Biden his time

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If you run in front of a car

You will get tired. And if you run behind a car, you will get exhausted

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meelatalha
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells β€œit’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets

It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who runs in front of a car gets tired,

a man who runs behind a car gets exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Laroel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Alcoholics don’t run in my family

But sometimes they fall down the stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.

The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MafiaCub
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump

A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/regulaslight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You can't run in a campground

You can only ran because it's past tents

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesabermaniac
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. β€œA bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brainstormer77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever run out of water in the mountains?

Well urine luck

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, β€œyou will die in 10 days.” I replied, β€œwho are you??”

He said, β€œI hate to be the bear of bad news.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the creator of flex tape run in?

Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A Teacher asked his student How many runs can a ball get you in cricket...?

He replied Six-Sir

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeonVodka
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisenberg4269
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend β€œWhy I have to change my position every time?”

He replies β€œI know, this sub is full of reposts”

πŸ‘︎ 223
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...

That's pretty whiskey business.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandad of 85 sent me these today. Runs in the family. (Last one is funny if you know Hindi)
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dsharm17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time the doorbell rings, my dog runs and stands in the corner.

He’s a Boxer.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife

Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uglyric
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Two elderly women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. One woman has a stroke.

The other couldn’t reach.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a long race in which only female horses can run?

A mare-athon

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAmpersand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
They say depression runs in my family

I guess I have blue genes

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the hit and run in Nepal?

They found Himalayan in the street!

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiWan1123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
You can’t run in a campground

You can only ran because it’s past tents. This came from my math teacher. Sorry if this has been posted before.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend started a java joint run by himself in Tel Aviv...

It's call HeBrews Coffee.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?

They have cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chevrite
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said it’d really be a nice birthday surprise if I got her something to run around in.

So I bought her a tracksuit.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If Michelle Obama were to run for president in 2020 on the campaign promise of legalizing marijuana, what would her campaign slogan be?

When they go low, we get high.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tydyety5
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Witnessed in the wild, old dude talking to a sick little kid: Did you know that if your nose runs and your feet smell you're built upside down?
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourMom102938
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo and Frodo run into a long lost hipster cousin.

Douche Baggins.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A drug dealer with a lisp lived in a run down house

You could say it was a meth.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad does dementia run in the family?

"I don't remember." (Offical dad joke from my dad)

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissMaryssa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.

I sent his family my Gondolences.

πŸ‘︎ 240
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyetalianman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
If you run in front of a car...

You will get tired.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoreanTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
You can’t run in a campsite.

You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_SquidYT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
You cant run in a campground

You can only ran, because its past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDaddyRobG
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
He who runs in front of a car

Gets tired

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Confucious say a man who runs in front of bus gets tired.

A man who runs behind gets exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scathyr
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
You can’t run in a campsite, you can only ran

Because it’s past tents

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrowerNotAShower2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you run in a campsite?

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

πŸ‘︎ 174
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndreasBerthou
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.