My cousin tries to keep posting jokes on this sub, but gets repeatedly banned by the mods.

He’s my cousin, twice [removed].

πŸ‘︎ 549
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

I never got a straight answer.

πŸ‘︎ 422
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...

He used wrote learning.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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My OCD stricken friend blows off stress by repeatedly hitting F5.

He says he finds it refreshing.

I told him he needs help, now he keeps hitting F1.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I recently overheard my dad washing the dishes. He repeatedly pushed a fork under water while saying:

"WHO DO YOU FORK FOR? WHAT'S YOUR PLATE?"

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Got_A_Hatt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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When I turned into a teenager, my dad repeatedly emphasized the importance of using a condom whenever I have sex.

He said, β€œAnyone who would sleep with you would sleep with almost anyone else.”

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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They wrote on this shirt repeatedly.
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLegsAreHere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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I was lying on the floor today, repeatedly lifting a 12-pack of Coke up and down off my chest...

...and all I could think was, "This is soda-pressing."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcbluestar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an owl that repeatedly causes trouble?

A hootigan

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctr2010
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2017
🚨︎ report
*Slap knee* repeat x 5
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turronno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brutalproduct
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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I keep forgetting that Tom Petty passed away and it makes me sad

He don’t come around here no more

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theichel24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke

Already Reddit

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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My friend: I forgot the word for β€œrepeating something”

Me: Again?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sdtertodi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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History repeats itself
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Do Hawaiians laugh loudly?

Or is it just a low ha?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/das_bic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Pete, Pete, and Repeat walk into a bar

Pete takes a few too many shots and gets sent home in a cab, Pete gets into a fight and taken to the drunk tank for the night.. who's left?

Repeat.

... Pete, Pete and repeat walk into a bar...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NunYaBizzNas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bloodbank.

The rabbit says: "I think i am a Type O."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. β€œHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”

Because the chicken had the day off.

Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.

Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)

πŸ‘︎ 683
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleTG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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If you're having trouble connecting your bluetooth device, just dress in green, sit on a perch and repeat everything that tech support tells you.

It's the only way to parrot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me...

Groom: After me..

Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?

Bride: No, his name is Mike.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's been repeated several times, and yet still ignored.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soaraf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I had a friend who got paid by the letter to write a phonics manual

To make a little extra cash he wrote a rhotic r on the side

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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I can't stop myself from listening to an Eric Clapton song on repeat every day.

I think I have a Cocaine addiction.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bios_001
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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If you repeat a colon in Australia,

would that give you a colon oz copy?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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I heard the King of spain caught Covid...

Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.

So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmohon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Watched a documentary on burping...

Think it was a repeat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I considered putting it on β€œrepeat all” as well
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InformalCap
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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What repeatable, documented procedure do artists use when formulating the perfect shade of blue?

The Cyantific Method!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Elon Musk should sell planes

That could really take off

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASHER999999
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?

It’s fully groan.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, "1,3,5,7,9"

Literally she can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 997
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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I’d like to thank Merriam-Webster for teaching me the meaning of the word β€œplethora”.

It really means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmhollifield
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...

Every clod has a silver lining.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool...

This is not a drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunetikPrugresiv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A Buddhist monk leave the monastery...

Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.

One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"

To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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β€œJudge, 50% of my parking tickets are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Ok..... Judge, half of my parking tickets are bogus!

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My husband suggested we get a repeater to improve our router signal...

Me: A what?

Him: A repeater.

Me: dramatic eyebrow wiggling with shit eating grin

Him: Oh my god.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misscharl0tte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

I never got a straight answer.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Pete and Repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out. Who was left?

Repeat.

Etc.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2inHard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Pete and Repeat sat on a fence. Pete fell off, who was left?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bag_O_Spiders
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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