My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in rashes every time I give you your wages ?"

I said, "Because I am allergic to peanuts."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpeedingEmu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My son keeps making rash decisions.

As a dermatologist, it's all in a day's work.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."

I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dr didn’t immediately treat my poison ivy reaction.

He doesn’t like to make rash decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad just said "Teddy with a rash" to himself and rubbed his hands together as we got in the car..

When I asked what he meant he said "sore-ted" and I just shook my head.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastHeroHere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of rash does an apatosaurus get?

A Dino-sore.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The number 1 in Japan must be a rash.

Because it’s ichi

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dermatologist was fired today

He made too many rash decisions

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Rash decisions
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ollismith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
🚨︎ report
My daughter has a fungal rash on her cheek, so my wife calls her a mushroom when applying the ointment.

I tell my daughter, β€œIt’s ok, I’m a fungi too!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa-heph
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you trust dermatologists?

They make rash decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorMasterBates
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend broke out crying when I mentioned her hand rash.

It's a touchy subject.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenapples7726
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do pigs put on their rashes?

Oink-ment

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/royalnelson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My 1 week old son has some bad diaper rash.

He’s pretty butthurt about it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdscruggs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Rash Decisions
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
🚨︎ report
I broke out with a rash due to an adverse reaction to something.

While listing the things I ate and touched that morning to the doctor I mentioned I had a piece of a pineapple upside-down cake; my dad who was in the room with me chuckled and said to the doctor "he always had problems with upside-down cakes, but not right-side up ones. Rest of the day he kept telling people that's the reason I had an allergic reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adberq
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a pig put on rashes?

Oinkment

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LemurWithAFemur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear everybody who works down at the hospital got some kind of skin rash?

They think it's a staff infection.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Henri_Dupont
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do pigs put on a rash?

Oinkment!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
🚨︎ report
I tried to get rid of this rash on my foot, but I couldn't.

I admit defeet.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Diaper rash is a pain in the ass
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Autrileux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2016
🚨︎ report
I asked my dermatologist why my skin is so itchy a year ago, and he still hasn’t answered me.

I’m starting to think that he doesn’t want to make a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lankyjay16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So I asked my dad if he had any rash cream..

He hands me this: http://imgur.com/NSdNJTP

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/velmaa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2015
🚨︎ report
I tried to cheat during my jog by taking a shortcut through some bushes, but I didn’t realize it was poison ivy...

That was a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...

The decision was rash.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I never think twice about scratching myself

it's always a rash decision

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I take my time when choosing a diaper cream...

I don't want to make a quick, rash decision!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI’d like to prescribe you a topical ointment for your skin irritation,” my doctor said.

β€œWoah, woah, doc,” I said, β€œLet’s not make any rash decisions.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I just spent hundreds of dollars online buying expensive ointments for my skin condition.

That was a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My nurse just shook her head.

A patient came to the ER with a rash that she had been scratching for a few days. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.

I said "Wow. You're really ... itching to get out of here."

Silence, then groans. Just the response I was looking for.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smeeee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
🚨︎ report
My doctor couldn't decide if they wanted to prescribe me hydrocortisone or diphenhydramine.

and in the end they had to make a rash decision

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
After having an allergic reaction to poison ivy I decided not to get it treated...

man have I made a rash decision

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfkas10
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife offered me some benadryl for my poison ivy, but I told her I'd have to think about it.

I don't want to make any rash decisions right away.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pseudoorbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m allergic to charcoal

It’s rash Wednesday

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HandCrimped
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Bathroom dad joked my eight year old

My three year old daughter needs help wiping her backside after using the bathroom (#2) sometimes. It's that or she might get a rash... oh, the joys of parenting. My eight year old son was in the hallway.

Son: Dad, why do you need to help [daughter] wipe her butt?

Me: Because she does a shitty job.

(Yes, in the interest of the dad joke, I did say shit to my eight year old. He's heard it before.)

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtsjr
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
🚨︎ report
I got the sack from the Dermatology Clinic for misdiagnosing shingles...

Which I thought was a little rash.

From Dad Joke of the day on facebook.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor prescribed me ointment for my impulsiveness.

He said it would help with my rash decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TraditionSmashed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
It's very stressful working with dermatologists.

They're always making rash decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Me to SO: I had a dream that a cow tried to sell me spoiled milk...

SO: really??? Me: It was udderly ridiculous.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oscarwood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor gave me advice about my allergic reaction...

He warned me not to do make any rash decisions

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Porsher12345
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Here's the skinny

A friend asked "What does it mean if your palm itches?" I replied "I'm sorry I don't make rash decisions."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor, doctor, will my measles be better by next Monday?

I don’t wanna make any rash promises

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CptFunTIme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is a county-renowned dermatologist...

He often makes rash decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dermatologist was fired today...

...they say he was just making too many rash decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a pig apply when it has a rash?

Oinkment

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MySiblingIsCool
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I took a shortcut through some bushes, but didn’t realize I was walking into poison ivy...

That was a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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