What kind of pastries do quarterbacks hate?

Turnovers

GO BROWNS!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meatfish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback say when he saw his real estate properties go up in flames?

Mahomes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaneika
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I thought the defense would like my joke about the quarterback

I guess it was too offensive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScreaminTom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I hate watching left handed quarterbacks throw

It just never looks right

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Every thanksgiving when my family is watching football my dad waits until the quarterback is sacked and says the following....

β€œThat’s what you call a look-out block, you turn around and say LOOK OUT”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aspestice
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The NFL discovered a way to tell if a quarterback has consumed too much alcohol.

They throw up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronsonaroberts
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Did you hear about, SchrΓΆdinger, the untouchable quarterback who got fired?

He was both sacked and not sacked at the same time. I heard about it, but didn’t see any of it happen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Which former NFL quarterback suffered from hemophilia?

Drew Bledsoe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grantlouwagie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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With over 25,000 yards a season as a quarterback in high school with no interceptions, he predicted he would be in the NFL

It did come to pass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Where’s the best quarterback from?

El Paso

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HotDiggityDon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Mexican quarterback?

El Paso

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pepesilvia189
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
🚨︎ report
The coach asked his quarterback to consider switching positions after an interception

He said β€œI’ll pass”

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?

A quarterback.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Vettel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
NFL players are greedy.

They’re always trying to get the quarterback.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?

Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abdic8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the coach go to the bank

To get his nickleback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dracolord409
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the coach visit the bank??

To get his Quarterback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pratik007789
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Joke

The football coach went to the bank to get his quarterback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IEatPickles124
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Which Reindeer do dinosaurs hate the most?

Comet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/To_live_r_die
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad's Favorite Joke

Okay so the animals have been on the ark for thirty days and thirty nights and frankly they are getting bored. So to provide entertainment B-Deck challenges C-Deck to a game of football. They get it all set up and begin play. B-Deck makes some early gains but C-Deck is unstoppable. They have Rhinoceros and once he gets going you cant stop him. Soon the first half is over and the score is 24-7. The second half begins and while in the huddle Rhinoceros looks over at B-Decks defensive line and sees Centipede on their defensive line. "Give me the ball," he says, "There aren't going to be any centipedes in the new world because I'm crushing this one right here and right now" The Center snaps the ball and the quarterback hands it off to Rhinoceros who begins charging down Centipede. Centipede rears up grabs Rhinoceros by the legs and SLAMS him to the deck. Ball pops loose, centipede grabs the ball. He's rushing down the field weaving in and out and TOUCHDOWN!!! The crowd goes wild! C-Deck's captain, Lion rushes over and says, "Centipede that was amazing! Where were you in the first half?" "Well I was lacing my shoes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobby_849
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My politically incorrect dad

My dad found out that all of my suite mates are black (I'm white). Dad: "Do you know what that makes you?" Me: "What?" Dad: "Quarterback."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingomilo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got three quarters of his back removed?

Apparently, he's a quarterback now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FearlessTheFallen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad always has these...

...."insanely witty/hilarious" puns (if you can call them that, I'm not an expert) that he uses when referring to things, here's a few:

  • QuikSilver => SlowGold
  • Vin Diesel => Lose Petrol
  • Backup folder => Frontdown folder

I'll try and think of a few more but you get the point.

Anyways he thinks he's a comedic genius that dude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/todayIwillHam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
🚨︎ report
The manager of the Native American football team is in fear of being sacked.

It seems they have had Apache start to the season.

EDIT: Lack of context. UK here who knows nothing of 'handegg' (Sorry!) Replace 'football' with 'soccer'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evadage
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Got dad joked by my professor today...

Professor: drops quarter on the ground in front of student "hey can I get my Peyton manning?"

Student: "what?"

Professor: "yeah my quarterback"

class groans and cringes

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad proved his worth the other night

We were watching the Monday Night football game between the Eagles and the Bears, and we were discussing Carson Wentz, the Eagles new quarterback. Me: "Where did he play in college again?" Dad: "From Wentz he came? North Dakota State"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenoranges
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad dropped this one after the Army-Navy Game

Me: "Apparently the Navy quarterback broke the single season rushing touchdown record for a QB." Dad: "Funny, I thought the army was supposed to be better on the ground." He was far too proud of himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vert123peat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
🚨︎ report
My friend just recently became a father, he's doing pretty good so far...

During a football talk, I'm a Redskins fan, but died nonetheless.

Me: RG3 is a really stand up guy

Him: He may be a stand up guy, but lately he's been a sit down player.

(For those who don't follow the NFL, he's a Quarterback who got injured again)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bravesaint
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team. Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily…

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourmomstraight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the football player go to the bank

To get his quarterback

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zigibar
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDestroyer575
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
🚨︎ report

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