Friend: How does it taste?
Me: Quite good, frankly.
Friend: Do you practice puns?
And that's the proudest I've ever felt.
For quacking jokes
EDIT: this joke did wayyy better than I expected lol. Thank you all for the words of encouragement, awards, and corny jokes to follow up! Iβm excited to make my family cringe for years to come
Because he didn't habanero.
Because it didn't habanero.
This was sent to me by my niece. She'll make a great dad one day.
They're pretty grounded.
Saxual Interchords
Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely Coinci Dental.
My friend says "I don't think he'll make it as a ninja."
I replied "No way, I'm shuriken."
Doubloons!
He lost his patients
An Anacondom.
Because it didnβt habaneroβ¦
Sadly, my horse drowned
I'm really getting the hang of it.
Helps kill the time.
.
Roaminβ Catholic.
He said, βBut you only have a normal-size guitar.β
Cause he didn't habanero
Edit: Thank you for the award anonymous donor
A You-Tuba!
Always use condiments
Partial arts
This whole time I thought he was a theoretical physicist!
No, just in fields.
I realize now it would have been easier on paper
Β‘pΙp ΚΗΙ₯
Because you can't Tuna Noodle.
She wanted me to drive her home from her chemistry practical because the trains were delayed. She asked if I knew why the trains weren't running, and I said it was because of the rain. (Which was true.)
Then I asked her if she realised that trains were soluble in water; after all, what do you think the molecular structure of the Polar Express is going to be?
Just trying to raise awareness of joking hazard
The doctor tells me it was Deep Vein Trombosis
He shouted, βNOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
And I said, βThatβs Supermanβ¦β
βThanks, man, β he replied. βIβve been practicing it a lot.β
If everyone dressed up as ghosts, it'd be boo-jitsu!
If they served coffee, it'd be brew-jitsu!
If they wrestled cows, it'd be moo-jitsu!
If everyone celebrated each move, it'd be WOO!-jitsu!
If they only used chokeholds, it'd be blue-jitsu!
If they grappled inside old industrial chimneys, it'd be flue-jitsu!
If they wrestled pigeons, it'd be coo-jitsu!
If you ate too much Taco Bell before your match, it'd be poo-jitsu!
And then no one would want to pair up with you, so it'd be just you-jitsu!
I've been torturing my kid with these all night. :D
I ended up with dim sum.
One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake.
He turned to see a little girl struggling in the broken ice in the middle of the lake. She'd been skating and had fallen into the icy water. Without a moment's hesitation the tramp ran onto the ice and slipped and slided over to the little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and he carried her back to the road.
He took off his coat and wrapped the little girl in it and began looking for a car to flag down. A few moments later a huge chauffeur-driven limo pulled up, and who stepped out but the little girl's father - the mayor of the nearby town and a multi-millionaire.
"How can I ever thank you sir?" says the father after putting his daughterinto the warmth of the limo.
"Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man."
"Ahem, well ..." stammered the tramp "...eh I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out"
"Certainly" says the girl's father and he pulls out his wallet.
"Oh dear" says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten dollars - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe"
"No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten dollars is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that will be plenty".
"Well, if you insist" says the father - "now what will you do with your money?"
"Oh that's easy" says the tramp "I've not had a rest in 20 years. I think I'll buy myself a holiday"
"Well good luck" says the father, and he gets into the car and signals his chauffeur to drive home.
"Ten Dollars" thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!", and off he goes to the town, to buy himself a holiday.
He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk.
"I'll have one holiday please!"
"Ahem, which holiday would sir like" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile.
"Oh, any holiday I don't mind" replied the tramp.
"Well how much money does sir have to spend on sir's holiday?"
"Oh lots - anything up to ten dollars"
"TEN DOLLARS!! You'll never get a holiday for ten dollars" says the girl incredulously.
"Oh dear" said the tramp, "and I was so looking forward to a holiday - I'll probably never get another chance - isn't there anything you can do?"
"Well I don't think so sir, but hold on and I'll check"
The girl goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement -
... keep reading on reddit β‘I'm learning to fry, but I ain't got wings
Because they donβt habanero.
Because it didnβt habanero
Because it didnβt habanero
Because it didn't habaΓ±ero.
Because he didn't habenaro.
Because it didn't habanero.
because It didn't habenero . .
He didn't Habanero
Use a condiment
