A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and...... tonic." The Bartender asks "Why the big pause?"

The Polar Bear replies, "I don't know, I've always had them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/It_Wasnt_Luck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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What are polar bears favourite food?

BrrrGrrrs

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwistedRocker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
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How do you catch a Polar Bear?

Step one. Cut a hole in the ice

Step two. Open a can of peas and place a few next to the hole

Step three. Hide and wait

When the polar bear bends over to take a pea, you sneak up and kick him in the ice hole!!!

One of my preschoolers told me this one a few years ago. It's definitely one of my favorite "clean" jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
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When I was told I was bi-polar

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MostDownVotesPlz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
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How to catch a polar bear.

In honor of my Grandpa, here is my favorite Dad joke, that he told me when I was a young one, and that I, in turn, have shared with each of my kids.

How to catch a polar bear:

Step 1: Go to a frozen lake way up north.

Step 2: Cut a 6 foot hole in the ice

Step 3: Place frozen peas all along the border of the hole in the ice.

Step 4: Hide

Step 5: When a polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pray4par
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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Why do polar bears get lonely?

Because they’re ICE-olated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JupiterSWarrior
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
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A polar bear was shifted to antarctic and it started to have mood swings

turns out, the bear was BIPOLAR.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/casul_noob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Where do Polar bears keep their money?

In a snow bank!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gixxerk4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the polar bear die?

They failed to eat bear minimum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karsvass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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Maybe Bi... Bi polar.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2021
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Polar bears love cold

bipolar bears sometimes do, sometimes don't

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComanderCupcake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
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What's the difference between a sentence and a polar bear?

One has a pause at the end of its clause, and the other has claws at the end of its paws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_ranger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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How does a polar bear catch a fish?

With his bear hands.

Surely this has been posted before but I’d never heard it. My wife texted it to me today with a, β€œ YOU are gonna love this one.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ZaphJuice_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2021
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What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?

Lost

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesuscide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.

It's the bear minimum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2021
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Bi-Polar Bear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keith2301
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2021
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Which bear is most condescending?

A pan-duh!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Albear
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
I had two polar bears as pets.

Had to return them, they were bipolar.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seattled0g
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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How does a polar bear build its home?

Igloos it together!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keldaras
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
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Why are lasers always right?

Because they make a great point!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imgprojts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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How do you catch a polar bear?

Dig a hole in the ice, 10 feet in diameter and 12 feet deep. Make sure it's a perfect circle or it won't work. Now, open a can of peas and place a pea every 8 inches apart all the way around the hole you dug. Once you've done so, find a good spot to hide and wait.

When a bear bends down to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninjallammas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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What do you call a polar bear that is attracted to male and female polar bears?

A bipolar bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FowlTemper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2021
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What type of bears suffer from mental illness?

BiPolar Bears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd416
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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My 11 yo son got out the car at school the other morning, right at the moment the gritter was driving by us spraying rock salt everywhere..

He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said β€œI’ve just been assaulted”.

ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments πŸ˜‚ and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldn’t believe that people actually awarded it too (β€œpeople gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?!” so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best 😊

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdubbg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
Why don’t polar bears get married?

They all have cold feet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaCk_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2021
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Breaking news from Wuhan: Widespread attacks on locals by large black-and-white bears.

Authorities fear a pandamic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dlowbeer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2021
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Grizzly. Panda. Polar bear. Grizzly. Panda. Polar bear. Grizzly. Panda. Polar bear.

This? Bears repeating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NWxSW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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My daughter is away at college and she has to chose a degree soon

Honestly her mom and I always did 75 at night but this is her own life and her own thermostat so I am proud of her no matter how she chooses to set it!

Edit: I used to think this world / community is very polarized. Now I realize they are not - they are really sort of gradually distributed between uncomfortably cold and uncomfortably hot....

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatknot2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2021
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What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?

A solar bear

Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?

A molar bear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/westsoutheast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I was recently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.

At first I was really sad. Now I'm really happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/denis47k
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, how do you catch a polar bear?

Well first you cut a hole in the ice. Next you place snow peas all along the rim of the hole. Finally, when the polar bear comes up to take a pee, you sneek up behind and kick em in the icehole!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedutchabides
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Polar bears have been introduced in the Antarctic. What are these polar bears now called?

Polar opposite bears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/everflow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CactusPenguinYT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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What’s big and white and can’t climb trees?

A fridge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sydney_brit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2021
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A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.”

The bartender asks, β€œWhat’s with the big pause?”

The bear shrugs. β€œI was born with them.”

πŸ‘︎ 451
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NationYell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
How do you catch a polar bear?
  1. Dig a hole in the ice

  2. Put some frozen peas in it

  3. When it goes to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NationYell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
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How Do You Trap a Polar Bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and scatter peas around it. When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.

That was one my dad used to tell, so it's 100% genuine dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diggitygiggitycee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
How do you catch a polar bear?

You kick him right in the ice hole

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzMikeyTheSavage
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
How to catch a polar bear

Cut a hole in the ice, place a pea in the center of the circle, and when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunshinehaze
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
Polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a scotch and............coke"

Bar man says "no worries, but why the big pause?"

Polar bear says "Oh, I've always had these"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h0m3grown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2021
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How do you get a polar bear into the water?

Kick them in the ice hole

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesuscide
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
The best way to catch a polar bear is to dig a hole in the ice and surround it with peas.

When the bear stops to take a pea, you sneak up behind it and kick it in the ice hole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make a polar bear really angry?

First cut a hole in the ice. Then open a can of green peas and put them all around the hole. Then hide. When the polar bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brianwilson76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Apparently to start a zoo you need at least 2 pandas, a grizzly and 3 polars

It’s the bear minimum

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2021
🚨︎ report
How to catch a polar bear

Cut a hole in the ice and line the rim with frozen peas. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woohooo11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
🚨︎ report

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