My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
Why don’t cats play poker in Africa?
My daughter wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. I said "That means I would only be able to find you using sound ...
My son gets to play a frosted cinnamon biscuit in the school play!
What’s a Canadian musician’s favourite key to play in?
What game do German kids play in the morning?
I play a Minotaur Ninja in D&D,
He practices Cow-mouflage.
(I stole this joke from Sam Riegal.)
I have a friend who plays in a band...
My son asked me to play catch with him outside in the fog.
He threw the first one and I mist.
A music project in the ghetto taught a lot of youngsters to play string instruments. The crime rate dropped significantly.
But now they have a lot of violins
why cant you play poker in a jungle
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but I left...
It was just one ting after another.
Diarrhea is my favorite word to play in Scrabble.
That's because it's worth a shit load of points.
In my school play, I played the back half of a wasp.
I thought I was the bee's knees.
I tried to play Batman in a play once....
I found the role was "Wayne" me down. XD
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus. He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play...
One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.
The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.
There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.
The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.
Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.
The octopus took it and stared for a bit.
After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.
This man paid his $50 and sat down.
The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.
The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”
The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.
The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.
The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing”
The octopus spewed, “Play it?! I wanna marry her!"
What you get when you play the song "walk with me in hell" at double speed?
My family was talking about my sisters project where she had to make a Roman theatre. In it she put some guys stabbing each other, as a demonstration of how plays sometimes consisted of people actually killing each other to make it more realistic.
I mentioned that they used slaves and criminals, since they would have a hard time getting actors to play the part of someone that actually dies, and my dad disagreed.
He said: No, people were dying to have that job.
Sorry if something like this has already been posted.
The new theather wasn't able to use a fog machine in their new play.
It was really a mist oppurtunity.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What instrument do Australian's play in Israel?
I was carrying my ukulele around in its case and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?"
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
I once had to play a psychopath in a play. I thought I could come across as crazy if I huffed a l load of women's body spray before I got on stage.
But in hindsight, I was just acting on Impulse.
70% of people play with themselves in the shower do you know what the other 30% do?
Someone asked me if Chris Hemsworth plays a villain in the Avengers movies. I said no...
Thor, he's a jolly good fellow.
Back in the nineties, the band Sparks had a Vietnamese booker who wanted them to play a Sinatra tribute show
and when Russell Mael heard of it he asked
"So, Nguyen, do I get to sing My Way?"
What do you call an average potato who tells you the play-by-play action in sports?
What does the Cattle Rancher say when he plays Poker and goes All In?
Father: So does your boyfriend have a job? Daughter: Yea, he plays in the local sports team
A pie went for an audition for a part in a play.
The casting agent told him he performed well, but it was more of a sausage role.
Why can actors in a play break their own legs?
Because they're already in a cast.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life
Life would be pretty shitty without it
They say when confronted by a bear, the best thing to do is play dead, so when I came face to face with one in the woods the other day, I accidentally played dad instead...
Now it can ride a bike without training wheels...
I saw a bird play in a Football Championship Game once.
I am here because I tried to post a lame word play joke in r/jokes, but it was removed
So you might say I was PUNished...
My boss invited me to play a Par 3 this afternoon in exchange for sexual favors
I told him, "That's a little course"
My friends an astronaut and plays in a band.
One day before his show I told him to rocket.
What kind of music do Santa's elves play in their gift workshop?
I play chess online with a guy that lives in a small land-locked country in Central Europe.
Why shouldn’t you play tennis in a library?
Because it makes quite a racket
Life Hack: If you play My Chemical Romance loud enough in your yard...
your grass will cut itself.
I was waiting ages to play snooker the other night but gave up in the end
Why’s it so hard to play card games in the jungle?
Because there’s too many cheetahs.
Me: I was once in a play called “Breakfast in Bed.” Her: Did you have a big role?
Me: No, just toast and coffee.
Experiments show that olfactory perception of pheromones might play a role in romantic attraction...
Love is blind, but it has a great sense of smell.
Does your dad play any sports No he hates sports *dad walks in
Why can’t you play sports in the wild
Why is it dangerous to play cards in the jungle?
Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
-my kid thinks this is hysterical because cheetahs don’t live in the jungle, they live in the savannah.
My son like to play hopscotch outside in front of the house with his friends
But in my driveway is where I draw the line!
I’m playing a sushi chef in an upcoming play.
I’m trying hard to prepare for the roll.
Letitia Wright who plays Shuri in Plack Panther found out that Thomas Sanders called her a Disney Princess.
Why don't they play baseball in England?
It just wouldn't be cricket.
("It just wouldn't be cricket" is a British phrase meaning "it wouldn't be the right thing to do.")
What do you get when you play a country song in reverse?
You get your house back, you get your wife back, you get your tractor back...
I think there should be a summer reading program for kids urging them to read before going outside to play in the water. It could be called...
Who will join me in a bird pun exchange? TOUCAN Play at This Game
So, just been asked to play the triangle in a reggae band...
I just sit at the back an' ting.
What do you call a piece of bacon in a bush that can play football?
My friend plays Tinkerbell in the school play.
She's a fairy good friend.
Why didn’t the play-writer write in cafe?
He didn’t want to make a scene.
Why don't skeletons play music in church?
Why don't people in India play electric guitar?
because they prefer a-couscous-tic
My wife: "I don't think the kids should play in the woods anymore. There might be chiggers this time of year."
Me: "Honey, please. It's 2017. I think they prefer the term 'cheegroes'."
Eyes were rolled, sighs were sighed. Dadjoke achievement unlocked.
An attorney was offered a chance to play the role of William Shakespeare in a movie, but had to respectfully decline...
"I can't," the lawyer said. "I'd be dis Bard."
Why can't you play football in a road where there's a double yellow line?
Because it's a no passing zone!
.... I'll show myself out.
Found this little play-on-words in a science lab at school.
I always wanted to play a lumberjack in a movie...
...but my acting was too wooden...
You shouldn't play Pokemon in the shower.
Somebody might catch a Pikachu.
Why can't a ginger play in a blue's band?
Because they have no soul.
1 character to every 17 others in Shakespeare's play Hamlet...
I used to play football when I was in school. I played left back.
Left back in the changing rooms.
My 7yo son was watching me play Overwatch the other day. My team lost so the game said "Defeat". I said "why would they say that, everyone in the game has two feet."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
My son speaks french.
"Defeat" sounds almost exactly like "Deux feet".
Play-Doh has been one of the most popular toys in America for over 50 years.
"They have sold over a billion of cans of this stuff. You could say it has made the company A LOT of dough."
Quote from Rick Harrison of Pawn Stars. I find it hard to believe that he is not the face of Dad Jokes. There are at least 5 per episode. I can only assume in real life it is more like 20 hundred bajillion per day.
I learned today that Tom Brady first got to play in an NFL game because the previous quarterback suffered an injury causing internal bleeding
I suppose you could say he got to play because Drew bled so.
Why don't cats play poker in the Savannah?
Why don't they play any poker in the jungle?
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but eventually left...
...it was just one ting after another
Why don't you play poker in the jungle
Why can’t you play poker in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band..... I had to quit,it was just one ting after another
Why can't you play poker in the jungle?
There are to many cheetahs
Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Thanks dad.
Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
Why cant you play poker in the jungle ?
I used to play triangle in a Jamaican reggae band.
I had to quit because it was one ting after another
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band
But it was just one ting after another
I play the triangle in a reggae band
I just stand at the back and ting
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?"
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
“I was once in a play called Breakfast in Bed”
“Did you have a big role?”
“No, just toast and jam.”
Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
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