Pizza place played puns perfectly
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
“I play a little guitar!"
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
No one will listen to White Snake with me
SO here I go again on my own
I hurt my finger playing Minecraft
It’s okay. Just a minor injury
What kind of music do poor people play?
I figured out the secret chord that David played!
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
A jazz guitarist couldn’t play a gig at a venue that had only six electrical receptacles.
His equipment required a seventh cord.
You play piano so bad...
... that even fourth leg wouldn't help.
What toy can a blind person never play with at the park?
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
I used to play the piano by ear...
But now I just use my hands.
My friend from Prague came over to play D&D. Instead of just a face mask, he's wearing full body armor
The Czech is in the mail.
Which part of a hospital is the best place to play hide and seek?
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards.
That's right. The steaks were pretty high.
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band
I left because it was just one ting after another
How did Landon Calrissian win the Millennium Falcon while playing Wheel of Fortune?
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
I asked my French date if she played video games
Why is 'Careless Whisper' played in so many hot scenes?
It is a rather saxy song.
My wife is threatening to leave me unless I grow up and stop playing games
If I don't let my son play Call of Duty he screams for hours.
So I let him play and he screams for hours.
Why can't Dalmatians play hide and seek?
Because they're always spotted.
I was working as a waiter in a restaurant and my boss enjoyed playing jokes on me.....
....wasn’t so funny when I turned the tables though was it.
Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
Dustin Hoffman gets chosen for a role of playing an much older Joaquin Phoenix.
In one particular scene he’s strolling down a busy street in NYC and a taxi almost hits him. He slams the hood of the taxi and yells
Hey I’m Joaquin here!
I heard herb gardens grow better with classic rock in the background, so I played a Styx album on repeat.
Now I've got Too Much Thyme on My Hands.
The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...
I bet it would murder the game.
Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
Where’s the best place to play a rock concert?
My crush came over to play legos
It was a good way to build our relationship
Why can't shellfish play video games?
They can't gain the mussel memory
I once watched a couple of cows smoke weed and play poker
I guess the steaks were pretty high
I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital with my little kids...
...but they found me in the ICU.
I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..
Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
Guys, I have been thinking about selling my Theremin.
I haven't touched it in years.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
I saw some cows in the field smoking a joint and playing poker.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing poker
That's right!! The steaks were pretty high.
Got a vinyl album the other day on wasp sounds. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I was playing the bee side
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