I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...
I bet it would murder the game.
Why is it so hard for T. Rex to play the piano?
I was watching my son play a Zelda game and I told him it's more effective to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons. He looked at me all confused and asked why? I told him it's because...
that way you won't take any fall damage.
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?
Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.
People often ask me how I can play golf so much and still be so bad at it
Where is it most unsafe to play the “pull my finger” game?
I like to play this game with my daughter it's called "hide and seek."
She hides, and then I see how high I can count (out loud) before she gets annoyed and comes out to complain about the game.
When I'm reading, I hate the silence, but music with words is too distracting., so I always play music without it.
It's instrumental to my comprehension.
It’s not wrong to play Poker,
as long as it doesn’t get out of hand.
What do you call it when a teacher watches his class as they take a test and plays online poker at the same time?
My dad and I used to play catch, and he would do this funny thing where he wouldn’t catch it
Because he was never there.
I broke my hand last week, at the hospital thinking it was permanently damaged, I asked the Doctor if I’d be able to play guitar. He replied “Yes, after you’ve taken time to heal”
I was ecstatic, I’ve always wanted to know how to play.
My Dad is really excited that I play the same musical instrument he does. I'm not sure if it's worth it,
since he calls me "Tuba Good In Junior"
I’ve recently started to learn how to play golf, It’s nor going to well though
I still have a fairway to go
A play on if im rushing, so be it.
A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus. He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play...
One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.
The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.
There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.
The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.
Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.
The octopus took it and stared for a bit.
After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.
This man paid his $50 and sat down.
The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.
The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”
The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.
The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.
The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing”
The octopus spewed, “Play it?! I wanna marry her!"
I was carrying my ukulele around in its case and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?"
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
My family was talking about my sisters project where she had to make a Roman theatre. In it she put some guys stabbing each other, as a demonstration of how plays sometimes consisted of people actually killing each other to make it more realistic.
I mentioned that they used slaves and criminals, since they would have a hard time getting actors to play the part of someone that actually dies, and my dad disagreed.
He said: No, people were dying to have that job.
Sorry if something like this has already been posted.
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band..... I had to quit,it was just one ting after another
Why is it so hard to play hide and seek inside a Chinese restaurant?
Because the ducks are always Peking.
It would be funny if a goose would play Duck, Duck , Goose with you
‘Cause even if you call him duck, he would still chase after you.
Not only does my new girlfriend like to watch soccer, she also plays it.
I think there should be a summer reading program for kids urging them to read before going outside to play in the water. It could be called...
I am here because I tried to post a lame word play joke in r/jokes, but it was removed
So you might say I was PUNished...
Why are The Doors scheduled to play as an opening act of nearly every concert I attend, but I never made it to catch them play live?
It's very sad that twins aren't allowed to play together as children.
They shouldn't play with matches.
Yesterday I went outside to play with my boomerang but I forgot how to use it
I don't know why everyone says it's too cold for the kids to play outside.
Mine have been standing out there for over an hour and won't even come in when I call.
Why is it dangerous to play cards in the jungle?
Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
-my kid thinks this is hysterical because cheetahs don’t live in the jungle, they live in the savannah.
How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favourite sport?
I play with scissors just for the sheer fun of it
It's exciting to play poker with cattle farmers...
...because they are always raising the steaks.
I LOVE puns way too much. I love them so much I'm going to write a theater show about them - it's a play on words
I just finished writing my first play, a comedy about a steak becoming hamburger. It turned into a bit of a farce.
The Pun Game. Come And Play It.
Make an entire comment chain of puns somehow relating to what's on your right. The person who replies automatically joins your game. They must reply with a pun that is related to the same thing. Whoever makes the most puns is the winner. They must be real puns, not just sentences that you say are puns.
C'mon, reddit. You can do this. You're like, the website for puns.
If I get enough puns, I will draw the pun of the first person to post a pun here (ex. if the first person says, "Well now I'm drawing a blanket," I would draw someone drawing a blanket.)
Have fun brahs!
What do you call it when you accidentally play a stratocaster all weekend?
I've written a play about a troubled teen who gets drunk on mexican beer and blinds a bunch of horses. It's called . . . .
My friends don't like it when I play Mario Kart with them. I tend to drive them crazy.
Why is it more fun to play checkers with Froot Loops for pieces?
Because toucan play at that game.
Friend ate a rhubarb muffin and said it tasted like Play-Doh
I asked if she was sure it didn't taste like Aristotle.
They should make a musical without music, & called it "Play".
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?"
I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.
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