It used to be taboo to talk about plastic surgery.

Now if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Always being asked why I'm holding two plastic drinking cups.

My answer is always the same: Because.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capedpotatoes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
So you don't believe that I sell plastic explosives?

C4 yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theboredpastor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The police were not convinced that my neighbor had hidden plastic explosives in his basement, so I told them...

"C4 yourself".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theboredpastor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What Kind Of Plastic Does A Clown Use?

Sillycone!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matt4307
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a sneaky alcoholic and a clumsy plastic surgeon?

One takes a nip of the tipple, the other takes the tip off a nipple.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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What kind of bees are made of plastic?

Frisbees

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m thinking about opening a plastic surgery center

I will call it β€œPick Your Nose”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/speek_ez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.

I see a few new faces this week and I must say I’m disappointed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas

But there are only two of us on the production line.

So I have to make every second Count!

πŸ‘︎ 431
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Just get plastic surgery
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FiresideLamb961
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous.

I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd tonight and I just have to say I'm really disappointed

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.

I'm sure that must have been a record.

πŸ‘︎ 449
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!

Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
They said plastic is bad for nature

That's why I used it indoors

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you surprise plastic containers?

They are top aware.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrama
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: "Do you want the wooden one or the plastic one?"

Dad: *Getting into row boat* "either oar"

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vdi_king
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.

The doctors described his condition as stable.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealWingnut
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I came across a list of ingredients to make plastic explosives.

I thought to myself, "Boy this looks like a real recipe for disaster!"

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Plastic fantastic.
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.

I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.

πŸ‘︎ 632
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massivevivid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Here’s a plastic fork to keep in your car, I didn’t use it.

It’s very forktunate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Paper based puns for a project about turning paper into plastics
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Red_nl98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the second-rate toy plastic brick maker become obsessed?

Because he just couldn’t Lego.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeChump
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his arse

The doctor said his condition was stable

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/renegaderis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6 year old gave occupations to the Planters Mixed Nuts.

Cashews are bankers.

Peanuts are urologists.

And Chestnuts are plastic surgeons.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I cannot and will not ever use a plastic knife in any situation

It never makes the cut

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beebeepsheep
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Plastic surgery v.redd.it/v8n2abhippd41
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Senumitten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The pink plastic birds, popular as lawn ornaments in Florida.....

are they called, "Placebo Flamingos"?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSEiGuy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't people, who constantly step on Plastic toy brick, just

LEGO of the pain?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm glad I didn't go with my awkward girlfriend for her plastic surgery consultation...

She picked her nose.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When ever my grandad is hungry he wants to order some dominoes

I told him it’s not good to eat bits of plastic

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I got yelled at for using plastic.

It was the last straw.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amazorman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?

Plastic explosives.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Figure out the joke yourself
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Just-Be-Chill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Tho my friends plastic surgery went horribly wrong...

He's keeping his chins up.

/edits: rephrasing and pluralization.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshleyJack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
So we gonna kill fish to make bioplastics, so that fish don't die eating regular plastics. Somethings fishy about this whole thing. youtu.be/AHKaChoCDW8
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DimLight95
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A plastic bucket vs. a metal bucket . . .

Pails in comparison

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke my fork. It went from plastic....
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwakun
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.

I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't like having to decide between paper or plastic.

Why can't baggers be choosers?

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendan_07
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention Botox and no one raises an eyebrow.

πŸ‘︎ 499
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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses inside him

The doctor described his condition as stable!

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rickmartingt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Remember when plastic surgery was taboo?

Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.

I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

πŸ‘︎ 435
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iateaps4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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