I often forget to bring my lunch to work. When I got desperate, I used to eat sheets of paper, but they tasted tearable.

Now I eat Post-Its. They’re also tearable, but at least they stick with you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllylTeapot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2022
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What do you call a kleptomaniac quarterback?

Trent Pilfer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HollywoodAFC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2022
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I took a kleptomania exam.

It wasn't mine, but I took it anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2022
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9 yo daughter: "You know, dad; I think I have your sense of humour."

Me (rather pleased): "Really?" Her: "Yes. Would you like it back?"

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flayan514
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
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Spider-Man catches a guy stealing a six-pack from a convenience store...

The guy puts down the beer and runs away. Spidey picks up the beer to take it back to the store, but he pauses. In a moment of weakness, he takes the beer home for himself.

That's how Peter Parker pinched a pack of pilfered Pilsners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenSeaBreeze
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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