Perverts Puns

I don't want to come off as a tallywhacker?

To do the dishes

.......Over my shoulder!!!

He was stuck to the chicken

It gets turned on by every naked person it sees.

it gave him an election.

I told her.

"He was arrested for masturbating in an adult theater, but I think he got off."

Boobyman.

Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?

Please stop stairing

“Rubbit”

They kept saying "rubit, rubit"

Pasta you pervert

Rub it, Rub it!

They prefer to hang around seedy places.

My friend told me "there's a meteor shower tonight you should watch!"

And I responded by saying

I'm not a pervert why don't you just let meteor shower in privacy.

Space you pervert!

I guess the pervert thinks of them as sex cymbals.

Me: Dad, do you know what the best smell in the world is? Dad: what? Me: the smell of a dollar. Dad: do you know what smells even better? Me: what? Dad: two dollars.

I was at work riding around with my coworker and buddy, he's married and already an old pervert at 29. We were driving down the interstate in traffic and looking at hot girls as we drive, we get into the far right lane, to where I have nothing but trees to my side. He says, "damn man that chick was hot" as a car passes by and I replied, "I ain't got any bitches but I've got a few birtches over here!" And cracked up. We work for a stump grinding company, this is an onion joke!

Bought some pizza slices and while I was filling up my drink from the soda fountain, there was a family of four talking about, of all things, medical professions. The daughter at the table said she thought a proctologist was basically a pervert since they'd be focused on butts all day every day.

The mom explained that you wouldn't call a heart surgeon who uses tools to literally crack open a person's chest cavity and muck around with things a serial killer, so why would you call a doctor who specializes in proctology a pervert?

The dad then chimed in "No that's not right... a serial killer is someone who uses Captain Crunch to murder another person!"

Silence at the table, and the daughter groaned rather loudly. I happened to make eye contact with the dad and just smirked and nodded, which made him beam, and walked out the door to hear him say "Right? Right guys?"

Well done, sir.

Because chic can.