What can you say about a HIP-HOP ARTIST that performs the music of TODAY?
Santa Claus really likes him because he’s RAPPING the PRESENT.
(That joke was 2 punny)
I went for an interview. They said, “Can you perform under pressure?”
I said “I’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”
The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy ....
.....really got the ball rolling.
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
I sure got a kick out of seeing the comedian perform.
I would have preferred a handshake, though.
After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and still he kept it beside him the rest of his life...
...he just couldn't part with it.
Do you know why I want to perform a song for you?
It would be the “I sing on my cake” day.
What does a condiment wizard perform?
I taught my chickens to perform classical music.
You should hear their Bok cantatas.
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
What do gamers call doctors who perform C-sections?
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?
My future boss asked if i could perform under pressure.
I said "No, but I can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody"
I wasn't invited to perform on the annual mushroom stand-up comedy show
I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.
The nurse just told me that they can no longer perform the transplant.
My surgeon wanted to tell me, but he didn't have the heart.
What kind of lemon performs charity work?
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?
No, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a go.
If you want to test how well vehicles perform during automobile crashes...
You have to be a real dummy.
Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"
I usually have my band with me
CJ's teacher wondered why he didn't perform very well in the PEs test.
After all, all he had to do was to follow the damn train!
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure
Me: I don’t know about that but I can take a stab at Bohemian Rhapsody
Did you hear about the band that only performs in bathrooms?
I'm not surprised, they're washed up
My friend found he worked best when instructions were spoken aloud. Then he could perform them.
It was easier said then done.
I went to see the famous "Iron Swordsmen of Venice" perform their street theatre.
But when I got there, the streets were empty with only a small sign saying that there would be no show today because it was the Ferrous Duelers' Day Off.
What did the snowman say to the other snowman when it was his turn to perform?
Every operation a cardiac surgeon performs is heartfelt
How does a panda perform a murder at a restaurant?
He eats, shoots and leaves
A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months
They had a great piss-cal year
Never let a urologist perform laser eye surgery on you
...
You might end up cock eyed.
My favorite magic trick to perform is turning things to glass
Just making things clear.
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
Recently, my father passed away in the hospital. He had a cardiac problem, and we needed to perform a blood transfusion in order to save him. Unfortunately, none of us knew his blood type.
As he was dying, he kept telling us to "be positive," but it's incredibly hard to without him.
How does the god of mischief perform his deeds?
Did you know dogs can’t perform an MRI?
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I had a job interview recently and They asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said that I don't know that one, but I could take a shot at Bohemian Rhapsody.
If an AI simulation of a pop singer performs all over the world ...
Just saw Pinocchio perform at the theatre.
His performance was kind of wooden.
If a Navy doctor performs surgery on a Marine’s knee
It’s a ...😏🕶.....😎 Joint Operation.
Why do dairy farmers perform surgery in pairs?
They like to cow-operate.
What kind of magic trick does a latino magician perform with his feet
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody
At a job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said I could, but I'd be more comfortable playing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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