Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
π︎ 10k
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︎ Jun 29 2021
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jun 23 2021
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 06 2020
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jul 04 2021
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jun 02 2021
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jun 16 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
π︎ 11k
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︎ May 25 2021
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
π︎ 252
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︎ Jun 30 2021
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jun 08 2021
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jun 19 2021
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
Heβs assembling his cabinet.
π︎ 878
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︎ Jul 02 2021
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 18 2021
What is the opposite of isolate?
π︎ 587
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︎ Jun 26 2021
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I donβt have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jun 11 2021
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
π︎ 4k
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︎ May 19 2021
Wife was at the doctorβs office yesterday and texted me that sheβs tired of waiting.
I told her toβ¦be patient.
Iβm a new dad of a five-month old baby and I was quite proud of this moment.
π︎ 151
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︎ Jul 07 2021
It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is β¦
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jun 04 2021
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
π︎ 16k
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︎ Apr 14 2021
The Adventures of the Mathmagician (an educational and punny comic).
π︎ 89
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︎ Jun 24 2021
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...
π︎ 26
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︎ Jul 01 2021
A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
π︎ 206
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︎ Jun 30 2021
Did you know Bruce Lee had much less known younger brother? He never said much and stayed out of the public eye.
π︎ 37
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︎ Jul 07 2021
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
π︎ 4k
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Almost everyone has the day off on the Fourth of July. Except fire.
Fire works on the Fourth of July
π︎ 187
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︎ Jul 05 2021
What's the opposite of ladyfinger?
π︎ 71
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︎ Jun 24 2021
The cast of βFriendsβ got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Pun of the month, in a sense?
π︎ 28
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︎ Jul 06 2021
What is the hairiest side of a gorilla?
π︎ 83
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︎ Jun 28 2021
The magic of the pun
π︎ 189
π
︎ Jun 08 2021
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Apr 20 2021
The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life
After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"
I asked him, "Are you a vet?"
He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"
π︎ 209
π
︎ Jun 02 2021
The ceiling is not my favourite part of the house.
But it's definitely up there...
π︎ 65
π
︎ Jul 06 2021
What's the best time of day on a clock?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jun 22 2021
Your pupils are the last part of your body that stops working when you die.
They dilate.
I'm not a dad, this is not my joke.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Jul 05 2021
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too"
π︎ 49
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︎ Jul 07 2021
What was the name of Robin Hood's Dad?
π︎ 71
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
π︎ 40
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︎ Jun 10 2021
What kind of bird doesnβt know the words to their own song?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Would you walk hundreds of miles, climb a volcano and risk your life for the sake of saving the world?
π︎ 23
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︎ Jul 04 2021
Whatβs the internal temperature of a Ton Ton?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jul 08 2021
The invention of the shovel was ground breaking..
But the invention of the broom really swept the nation
π︎ 117
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︎ Jun 17 2021
What is the opposite of Ladies fingers?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
I took him to the bar and had a few drinks. Nice guy. He wants to be a web designer.
π︎ 57
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︎ Jun 27 2021
When women get to the age of 50, they tend to collect lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many-paws.
π︎ 17
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︎ Jul 05 2021
Did you know Mortal Kombat was actually based off of the religious music of Scandinavia?
π︎ 29
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Since pirate jokes are all the rageβ¦ What is a pirateβs favorite letter of the alphabet?
π︎ 32
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︎ Jun 26 2021
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 02 2021
Everyone gets the day off on the 4th of July. But not fire.
π︎ 30
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︎ Jul 07 2021
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