Paul Is Dead Puns

Paul Ryan is running for president. But after this, he'll be Paul Cryan.

His favorite color is Paul Cyan

He is Paul Tryan to become president

This post will make him Paul Diean

He read history about the Paul Mayan

On a plane, he is Paul Flyan

In Russia, he is Paul Spyan

He goes to the Maul Ryan

To go Paul Buyan

His favorite spice is Paul Cayenne

When he stares, heis Paul Eyean

For breakfast, he is Paul Fryan

On stilts, he is Paul Giant

When in trouble, he starts Paul Liean

When he watches memes, he is Lol Ryan.

His favorite is Paul Nyan

For dessert, he has Paul Piean

At this point, Im Paul Sighan

When he has rope, he is Paul Tiean

When curious, he is Paul Whyan

Or Paul Pryan

His new game is Ball Ryan

On the phone, he is Call Ryan

His daughter plays with Doll Ryan

When he trips, he is Fall Ryan

His house is the Ryan Hall

Again on stilts, he is Tall Ryan

His house has a Wall Ryan

Down south, you are Yall Ryan

When he makes bread, it is Paul Rysan

On a horse, he is Paul Ridan

In a fight, he is Brawl Ryan

When he loses he is Crawl Ryan

Or dead

When moving he uses a U-Haul Ryan

In the bathroom, he is Stall Ryan

I had a list with A LOT more. Help in diese comments!

EDIT: If he wins the election, he's Mr. President

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken