Pastoral Care Puns

Dear fellow believers!!!

I would never wish upon you the situation I find myself in today. That's why I urge each of you to wear AT LEAST 5 masks over your mouth and nose, and additional masks over the rest of your face and head and wherever else you can fit them.

I have Covid, I'm afraid. I feel miserable, with a runny nose and fever for four whole days already. I know my end is approaching, I cannot go to the hospital due to social distancing and I'm afraid they wouldn't let a Covidinian priest in, even if I did check myself in in a last ditch attempt to save my life.

Please comfort me in my last days on this earth. I confess to having sinned - I went to a non-virtual local store (there are still a couple left in my neighborhood, unfortunately - the Orange Devil be eternally dammed!) to purchase a really cute custom mask ("Get you booster!" it said, next to a picture of an overwhelmed hospital).

I was shocked to see people in the store with NO masks. I mean not even one. But, I still couldn't resist darting in and grabbing the mask. I didn't linger to pay the cashier - my life is more important, I should think - but those few seconds were enough. I went and got tested that same day and it came back positive. They told me to quarantine for seven days but I know that by then I will already be long gone.

Keep the pfaith strong, my friends. And may God bless the United States of Fauci.

Imagine this: You and your three friends set up a school. Somehow you end up in charge of pastoral care (for those of you who have never come across this in a school before, it's like HR on speed). It's manageable when there's only 30-50 day students, but suddenly there's 100+ students and boarding is becoming the most feasible option for logistical reasons. The drama. Never. Ends. Homesick eleven year olds, teenage drama and nascent blood feuds, and it all lands at your door.

So you go up to your 3 friends and declare you're sick of this and you are dividing the workload in four. Starting now. Reluctantly, they agree but argue on how best to divide the students up. Godric suggests a bullshit personality test - meaningless, but at least they will have something in common with their new charges. Everyone agrees but Helga, who thinks this is bullshit and voted for a year group system and hiring more teachers, anyway. She will take all the rest.

A hat is enchanted and thus the Hogwarts house system is born. Your name is Salazar Slytherin, and you have just reduced your workload by three quarters. You have failed to consider the cults of personality you have just started.

A question regardless of sexual or gender orientation. How has the parish you attend serve LGBT+/SSA Catholics? Do they offer any events or programs? Has the priest addressed issue related to the topic. Has the bishop of your diocese made any statements regarding the needs of LGBT+/SSA Catholics? What have they been good on and what can they improve upon?

Does anyone here work with a pastoral care dog? I have a dog who I think would be great in this role, with more training. I'm curious about the process, how dogs can help provide care, etc.

Honest question. It's a ministry at our parish but I've never interacted with it, and I can't figure out exactly what it does.

As the title says, I'm searching for a suicide hotline in which I can chat and not talk. I don't like talking so the Telefonseelsorge isn't an option. Would be thankful if anyone has a good suggestion. It also can be an english one.

I live in an apartment complex of singles. Two of them (Alice and Bob) got together, moved out, and found an apartment together. They've been together for approximately seven years now. They would like to be married. I am the only one they know who can sign the marriage certificate. I have solemnized five or six weddings before, yet with the going divorce rate of 50%, I have decided to do marriage counseling before any more.

The couple are poor; Alice is unemployed, and Bob works as a dishwasher at a local restaurant, which has cut his hours due to COVID-19. They are both alcoholic. Alice drinks eight beers per day, and Bob drinks 15. Alice injured herself severely twice in 2020 falling down the stairs of their second-story apartment and breaking a leg, and then, just after that healed, slipping while exiting their bathroom and breaking her arm. She is home-bound. Bob is quiet, and doesn't talk much. I sense he is in a drunken haze most of the time; slow to respond/speak when together. He had an incident last year wherein he started cutting/stabbing himself; Alice says he was spouting talk of no one caring for him. Since, Alice feels that Bob isn't "here" even tho they sleep in the same bed every night. Alice said "I don't want to drink like this" and "I don't want to smoke like this" last night when I visited her and we had dinner. (I realize those are "negative" statements that don't affirm an actual desire; that's where she's at, though.)

Bob says he is "getting help" yet Alice believes he is ditching therapy, as he "goes out" instead of, as her therapist and doctor do, communicating via telemedecine techniques. She also suspects he bar-hops both before and after work.

I've pushed the requested February 5th date off to "at least April," ostensibly that we could have the ceremony in a local park. I am uncomfortable performing a solemnization of a relationship which seems codependent and based on alcoholism.

We are in Bloomington, Illinois, USA. They are both eligible for state-sponsored Medicaid, tho I'm not (yet) familiar with resources available.

Hey friends, I have been going through it lately, and I would really like the opportunity to have a chat with someone of our faith who is more knowledgable and experienced. Does anyone have any recommendations for religious organizations who offer this?

Link to bill.

B.267 - Education (Tertiary Pastoral Care) Amendment Bill was authored by Hon. Chris Hipkins (IRL Figure) and is sponsored by the Minister of Education, /u/boomfa_ (Labour), on behalf of the government.

Debate will conclude at 6 PM, 10/04/2020.

I tried the Costa Mesa one but it doesn’t work

I wanted to start a discussion on how transhumans might or might not participate in religion: these issues don't exist now, but they might soon. People from all religions are encouraged to participate. With no further preamble, then, let's say that there are two transhumans under discussion.

A is a chimp-human hybrid who is 50% chimp DNA and 50% human DNA.

B is a cyborg, 50-50 organic and mechanical.

The questions are as follows:

1a) Is it acceptable for a woman pregnant with a chimp-human hybrid to abort that hybrid?

1b) Let's assume that it is possible both to cyborgize an embryo and to abort a cyborg embryo without injury to the pregnant mother. Is it acceptable to abort a cyborg?

2. Can either A or B, as newborns, participate in your religion's ceremony to welcome a new baby?

3. Can either A or B marry in your religion?

4. Can either A or B become a member of your religion's clergy?

5. If your religion has a monastic tradition, can either A or B become part of that tradition?

6. If A or B wanted to convert to your religion as an adult, would they be able to?

7. Are there any other issues that either A or B would run into in their attempt to practice your religion?

Thank you for playing! I'm really excited to see what kind of answers you guys give :)

I am interested to understand how Bible Scholarship directly or indirectly affects pastoral care. Is there any impact of advancements or analysis done in this field that affect how pastors / clergy perform their role?

I ask because I'm exploring practical applications/ implications of this field in hopes of deciding whether I should pursue higher education.

Link to bill.

B.267 - Education (Tertiary Pastoral Care) Amendment Bill was authored by Hon. Chris Hipkins (IRL Figure) and is sponsored by the Minister of Education, /u/Captain_Plat_2258, on behalf of the government.

Debate will conclude at 6 PM, 08/05/2020.