The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 280
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissMoops
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Though I did find the color palate of this particular film rather surprising
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My farts have a particular smell.

They are dis-stinked!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter was particularly grumpy one morning even after breakfast. I gave her a single piece of crushed ice. "What's this?" she asked,

A chill pill.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahstir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Thought process for this one was particularly long winded
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I work in electrical wholesale and this is particularly apt.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey1018
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Which city are Tibetan monks not particularly fond of?

Budapest

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidian_Revenger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the burnout experienced 3/4’s of the way through hand-washing a particularly large load of dishes?

Post-Traumatic Stress Dishorder.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colorblindbass
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A botanist tells a joke to another botanist that he finds particularly funny. The first botanist is laughing so hard he can hardly muster a sentence, but manages to say...

That joke was so funny I nearly wet my plants!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter has been particularly moody and lonely recently...

Perhaps it’s because she’s a quaranteen.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boots_andcats
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
There was once a scientist doing research on some microscopic organisms. To his surprise he found out that a particular species was completely homosexual.

They're algae.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Here are 10 things I dislike in no particular ordee
  1. When my plans are abruptly cut short.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justanothernewbie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey Dad why do you go to that particular place to eat fish and chips?

Just for the Halibut

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phroedrick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I've never particularly liked those Russian nesting dolls...

They're so full of themselves!

πŸ‘︎ 335
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWormaster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If your can opener can't open a particular can, it becomes a cannot opener.
πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BenisbacK_1900
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the God of Thunder feel after a particularly intense workout?

Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHey girl, you look particularly radishing today!”
πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A particularly bad sneeze in a church is blasphlegmy
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxlyKei
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My quantum physics professor was really particular about how we wrote the symbols for our wave functions.

She was a total Psi's queen.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A pun or two about magicians and their antics

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A rock star's Journey

A number of years ago I was in a rock band. We were hugely successful, playing some of the biggest venues and entertaining swarms of fans.

The last shoes we ever played were on our world tour. We played the Americas and then flew over to Europe. We played our way through Russia and even a couple of gigs in China, before selling out our final show in Japan.

It was a hell of a Journey, but it was time for me to hang up my guitar. I retired from the rock star life and got an office job in Tokyo.

I made a few friends at work, and grew close with one in particular, Narada-san. One day Narada had the day off for a funeral, but that wasn't enough; he needed more time. He was torn between his obligation to return to work and his desire to have more time at home. He asked me what he should do.

The answer was simple. I picked up my guitar and played a Japanese version of our biggest hit from 1981:

Don't Stop Bereaving

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I am very particular about my pens...

It's either go bic or go home.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AsAP0Verlord
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My math teacher was really particular. She loved doing statistics and algebra....

But graphing is where she drew the line.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/santafesmike
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My kids just got a new puppy that is scared of every appliance in the house, and one in particular. I suggested they name him β€œNature.”

Because nature abhors a vacuum

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nsertnamehere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What furry creature with big ears brings network connectivity to children on a particular Sunday every April?

The Ether-Bunny!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I just found out she's pregnant with our first child.

To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

"Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

"Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."

"Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

"Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m_bowker-brown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Mama Frog was really struggling with her youngest, Little Hop. He couldn’t seem to sit still!

That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.

You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.

Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..

And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, β€œIf you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”

Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.

Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.

And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!

And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..

β€œI toad you so.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
So why do you want to become a citizen of Switzerland?

I don't have any particular reason why, but the flag definetly is a big plus.

inspired from r/memes

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Andidaniel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I think that girl over there has a particularly two-dimensional donkey.

Kudos if you figured it out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kitty_Dragon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Lizards are particularly responsive to the sedative effects of chamomileon tea
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pnewell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vegetable in a particular red white and blue pattern

Onion Jack

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/b8410
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
🚨︎ report
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....

Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…

...which was lucky, because he stepped on a land mine...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Despite the name, these forks aren't particularly entertaining. imgur.com/sRZocf7
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeroTo325
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Particularly proud of this pun.

After asking my other half if she had any plans for the evening. https://i.imgur.com/xvlPOEF.png

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BolloKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Citizen Kane is considered one of the greatest movies of all time largely for it's cinematography. One scene in particular is famous for it's "floor shot" for which they had to literally dig a pit in the middle of the stage to acheive the correct perspective.

It was groundbreaking.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BottleSSBM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was telling me about her first day working at a zoo...

When she arrived at the zoo she went to see her manager and asked what she should do, the manager told her to first go feed the sharks, so she went off to feed them. Whilst she was shovelling the food into the pool a shark jumped out of the water and tried to bite her, as a reflex she hit the shark with the spade and the shark died. Worried about losing her job this soon the woman started brainstorming what to do, eventually she decided to feed the dead shark to the lions thereby removing all evidence and so that is what she did. Shaken but glad she had avoided detection the women went back to see her manager and asked if there was anything else that needed doing, she was told to go and clean out the monkey cage.. So off the woman went with a wheelbarrow and shovel to clean out the cage, as she was shovelling the poop into the barrow a monkey jumped down from the tree towards her! As a reflex reaction the women smashed the monkey with the spade and it lay dead. Thankfully she knew just what to do and so she threw the monkey into the lion cage. Shaken and ready to go home by now, the women went to see if there were any final jobs that needed doing: she was tasked with collecting the honey from the bees. So she got changed into her protective gear however she forgot to tuck in the back of her shirt so when it came to doing the bees, one particularly large bee came and stung her right on the behind! The woman screamed and started whacking the bees until many lay dead. By now she didn’t even have to think.. she collected the dead bees and threw them in the lion cage before going home for a quiet evening.

The next day there was a new lion in the lion cage. The new lion said to the other lions β€œso what’s the food like here??” The other lions responded...

β€œActually it’s quite good. Yesterday we had FISH, CHIMPS and MUSHY BEES!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SidB_22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Particularly for med students imgur.com/gallery/CzgN5vG
πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Morris_Less
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2014
🚨︎ report
A lot of Chinese people enjoy discussing their love of citrus.

They particular like to talk all things Mandarin.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if Amish people live on a particular road?

It has a "no outlet" sign.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PityandFear
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.