Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?

It caused a title wave!

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Radiation causing tiny ripples in water

Micro waves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazedInventor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Why is the ocean always blue?

Because the shore never waves back.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeJeepWdw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, β€œThank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

β€œThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

πŸ‘︎ 993
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My 3.5 year olds favourite joke: how do the oceans say hello to each other?

They wave.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardybrownie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying β€œHi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, β€œHere comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says β€œHi!” and giggles.

Wife: β€œAnd there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: β€œHi... toots”

Wife: β€œYes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: β€œHi!”

Wife: β€œThat’s the β€˜Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: β€œ... πŸ’€ πŸ’€ πŸ’€β€

Wife: β€œYou love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Desdomen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Christmas warning

A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from...

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanilakodey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Got a math assignment from my teacher the other day...

When I glanced over the assignment , I noticed one of the problems was missing.

I waved down the teacher, and he came over and said, "Everything looking good?"

I said, "I don't see a problem here."

He looked at me and said, "Great!" and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayWolf85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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When the photon left its family behind,

It waved goodbye.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are sine waves not cosine waves?

cos sine waves are different.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.

It never says hi. It just waves

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgy_Sama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing. It just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lead_the_leader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Physical dad jokes
  • Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
  • Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
  • Intentionally missing a high five.
  • Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
  • Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.

What else have you got?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I was backing out of the parking lot earlier when I backed into a car! The driver was only 3 feet tall....!

He got out of the car and started waving his hands above his head! He kept yelling "I'm not Happy, I'm not Happy!"

So, I got out and yelled back, "Well, which one are you!?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Existence111111
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car

Now everyone waves at me

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: *holding mug*
Do it to my tea

Magician: *waves hand*
Done

om: *holding cup*
It didn’t work...

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Announcement In Bar

A guy walks into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a .9mm Smith and Western with an eight shot magazine and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife."

A deep voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the ocean so salty?

No one ever waves back

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnclark38
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an electric oven that always gets dirty?

MikeRoweWave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piratecheese13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I was dropping my kid off when I saw a wild Buffalo charging him

I yelled β€œBison!”

He looked back at me, waved, and said β€œbye dad!”

Poor kid never even saw the Buffalo before he got speared...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnoble2945
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got to cash in on a joke today that I’ve been looking for a reason to use for years

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.

He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostPin
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was driving when I see a woman run over a poor rabbit. I stopped immediately to render assistance.

I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days.
I think to myself "Can I render first aid ? "
Then it hits me, I can fix this.
I go to the boot of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as shit he jumps up and hops away.

As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us !
He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight.

The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?"

I look and it is hair restorer with a permanent wave.

I wish to add no Rabbits were harmed in the telling of this story

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The origin of the word β€œocean”

An old Irishman and his wife were walking along the seashore. He pointed out to the waves and said, β€œMolly, do you know why it’s called the β€˜sea?’ Because when you’re out in the middle of it, it’s the only thing you can see!”

And Molly sighed, rolled her eyes, and said, β€œOh, Sean...”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Did you know?

When a short person waves at you, it's called a microwave

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalrusNerd
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Our microwave is at least three feet wide

I'd hate to see a regular sized wave

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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How do u get a one-armed monkey down from a coconut tree?

You wave at him

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perseus_Turambar
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
They are discussing bringing in fruit to use against the protesters!

Next wave of enforcement will be Apricops

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosBadger777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What dose one ocean say when it seas another ocean?

Nothing they just wave

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BRANDONPRUSOW
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Poor little bunny

A doctor is driving home one night along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor swerved and tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible and the car hit the bunny.

He immediately pulled the car to the side of the road and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag wouldn't be there.

He frantically rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hind legs and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Hopped another few feet, turned and waved yet again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A T-rex welcoming committee

Only comes in small waves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rimirilar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the old surfer do right before he disappeared forever?

Waved goodbye

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sea tell the shore?

Nothing, it just waved

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stayouttamyswamp-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do two oceans do when they meet each other?

They wave.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tartyace
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad works for a welding supplier, so heres his welding dad joke

A guy was cutting with an acetylene torch when suddenly there is a break in the line. The acetelyne starts shooting up his arm and a stray spark ignites it. His arm bursts into flame. He starts running around the shop waving his arm around while it's on fire until someone hits him with the fire extinguisher.

After the fire is out and the EMT's arrive, the police are there taking statements from the witnesses. When the officer finishes this, he pulls out his handcuffs, goes over to the burned guy on the ground, pushes the EMT out of the way, and arrests the burned guy.

When he brings the guy to the station, the chief asks him why he arrested this guy when he clearly needs medical attention. The officer responded by saying "He was waving a firearm in public"

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Better_Devil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdityaBiswabandhu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the ocean salty?

Because the land didn’t wave back.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sadchowmrade
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one ocean say to the other?

Nothing, they just waved

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainKrc
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How do Surfers say hi to each other?

They wave.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 445
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the sailboat ?

Nothing, it just waved

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aakshaj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing it just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rickmartingt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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