Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
I was figuring out what career path I should take.
Geology rocks, geography is where it’s at. But ultimately, making mirrors is what I really see myself doing.
My wife told me to take the spider out
I took him out, and he was a nice guy. Turns out he’s a web designer!
Mom told me to take out the spider
I tried to take my dog out of her crate and she peed on my hands
Road trip - why did the Dad tell the kids to take out their pencil and pad?
The sign said Draw bridge.
My significant other asked why I never take them out
I said that the scope is broken on my high powered rifle
We were eating take-out sushi on the couch last night
And one of our kittens (7mo/f) starts nosing her away aggressively around our feet.
15/f daughter: ‘Oh kitty, what are you doing?’
Me: ‘I think she’s fishing.’
Achievement unlocked: my daughter smiled, and didn’t groan, roll her eyes, or whine ‘Daaaad’.
Why won't Rick Astly ever take his girlfriend out for an ice cream date?
Cuz he'll never dessert you...
Never take the p out of a pirate.
I’m going to open a take out cheese shop
My wife said she wanted to take me out. I was so excited...
Until I saw the body bag.
Which donor kidney do doctors always take out?
The right one, so you at least have one left.
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?
One. It's a trick question.
If you are visiting Rome, be forewarned: it might take you a long time to get out of the city.
All their roads seem to have this weird design flaw.
My mom asked my dad to take the garbage out
So he made reservations for a couple at a restaurant
I got arrested for forgetting to take out my wallet before washing my pants.
I was charged with money laundering.
He can dish it out, but he can't take it 😂
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked to take 2, he said no.
I replied “can I at least Taekwondo?”
I try to take my mermaid friends out of Atlantis every now and then to explore the coral reefs, wreckages and collect some shells, but they hesitate to do so...
I think they're a bit shellf conchess
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave, are they out for delivery?
My wife demanded that I take the spider that was in the kitchen, out…
Nice guy! We got a couple of beers. He wants to be a web developer someday.
Whenever I’m yelling at my kids, I take out my transparent megaphone.
So that they can hear me loud and clear.
This is why I can't take my dad out anywhere
Waitress: Ok, so you're paying cash tonight?
Dad: Did you just assume my tender?
Me: (groans)
I told my Granddaughter be careful with that Chinese take out soup it’s heavy-
I used to know a guy who was all about getting his waffle in the morning. That's all he'd talk about! He'd even take people's toast out of the toaster and put in his waffles.
My brother told his son to take the crayon out of his mouth...
...unless he wanted the Crayola Virus.
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it
Went to the bar, had a few drinks, nice guy, turns out he's a Web designer
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it
We had some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer
Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it...
Had a few drinks, he is a cool guy, wants to be a Web developer.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer
My wife told me take the spider out instead of killing him.
We had a few drinks, what a great guy. Turns out he’s a web designer.
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing.
We went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy, wants to be a web designer.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he's a web designer
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts, but when I asked if I could take two, he said no...
I pleaded, “Can I at least Taekwondo?”
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
My wife said I should take out the spider instead of killing it.
I'm glad I did. We went out. Had a few drinks. Overall good guy. He's a web designer.
I had to take my wallet out of my pants before washing them.
Money laundering is illegal.
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked if I could take two, he said no.
I said, “Can I at least Taekwondo?”
My wife told me take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he’s a web designer.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it
We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it
We had some drinks, cool guy, says he wants to be a web-developer
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