Good ole dad joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MotherOfCrim
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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After years of trying, a woman tells her husband she is pregnant.

The man, tearing up, takes his wife's hand and says, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm going to be a dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stress-Thick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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After playing our set at the local block party, a group of kids walked up to the stage and the leader laughed, "You rock pretty good for a buncha ole geezers, but why the heck did you name your band, 'Bald Patch'!?" I shrugged and said...

"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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Jolly Ole Saint Nicholas...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unkempt_ROUS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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"I say ole bean, java pen?" "Why yes, I do what Sumatra with yours? "Cool beans mines not too perky."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Ole King cole

Let us not forget on this day in 1485 King Cole (of nursery rhyme fame) made a decree about farming. It seems that the peasants had used too much farmland for cabbages and there was not many other vegetables. The farmers soon got in all their cabbage crops, and had a great abundance. They found if they sliced and shredded the cabbage it took up less space to store. This decree is now known as "Coles law".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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Mississippians don't refer to their wives as their old lady

They refer to them as their Ole Miss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I just found this subreddit, here's a couple of my favorites from dear ole' dad. I can only hope to be a blip of his greatness when I'm his age.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

  • With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a white elephant?

  • Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.

Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!

All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.

  • Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.

I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.

He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."

Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.

These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CptSmackThat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Ole Mother Hubbard

I was laying in bed with my lady, teasing her some and she says
'No I don't like that'
"I was just playing with you"
'That's not the kind of playing I want right now'
"Well that drawer next to you (with all our sex toys ect.) is still closed"
'No I don' want to do any of that tonight'
"Just some good old fashioned penis and vagina old mother hubbard sex?"
'yes'
"well at least you're giving the dog a bone"
facepalms and sighs ensued ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slm_87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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I asked my North Korean friend how he liked living there. He said he couldn't complain.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exactchange516
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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A car cruising down a rural country suddenly backfires.

As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy β€œHello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says β€œDon’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. β€œThank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying β€œI’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foyeldagain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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I bought the IPhone XR

So today, I bought an IPhone XR. Turns out I was rick rOLED.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Staters
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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My Mother-in-Law responded to an unsolicited fax with an amazing dad joke.

My MiL received this unsolicited fax at her office. My wife suggested she should fax something clever back. She delivered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plutoniumhead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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Amazing dad joke at university orientation

I'm running a booth at an orientation fair at a major university in the south. New out of state student and his dad come up and introduce themselves.

Me: "So, how did you end up in the south?"

Dad: "We drove."

Me: "No, I mean what brought you down here?"

Straight-faced dad: "The car."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maciej88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2014
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A matador walks into the ring. The bull says,

"I'm not falling for your bull sheet."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akasdan1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
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My dad is perfect for this subreddit

Just discovered this subreddit, so no I'll share some of my ole' dad jokes.

So, my mom is upset at my dad because he didn't get her a 25th anniversary ring.

Mom - "I can't believe you didn't get me a ring. Listen, if I am the one to die first, and you remarry, which I would be fine with, and then you get your second wife a 25th anniversary ring, I will come back and haunt you."

My father ponders this threat, and after a short pause, he looks at her and...

Dad - "Tell me, how would that be any different than now?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/logancook44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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Got my boyfriend at brunch today!

What kind of coffee does a matador like?

Cafe ole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mayonayz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
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My 100 year old Great Grandfather told me this one... It's from another time.

Imagine a Maine accent, as a kid on a farm in 1924.

> As kids, they walked up to their mother and ask
"Mom, Is pig's sold?"
Their mother yells at them to correct their grammar.
"PIGS ARE SOLD!"

Commence giggling and running away as their mother realizes what they tricked her into saying.

(The joke is to say the mothers line quickly and drop the "D" like 'ole time Mainers do)
I'll never forget this joke. It's the only one he ever told me.

What was funny in the 1920's is completely different I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorMog
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2015
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Overheard at a car dealership. "What kind of car do you have now?"

"I have a Wishitwasa."

Wishitwasa?

"Yeah, Wishitwasa Ferrari... Wishitwasa a Mercedes... Wishitwasa a Jaguar... a Wishitwasa."

Followed by a short sigh and, "I'll take whatever I can afFORD."

The ole' dad joke twofer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/probablynotfamous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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Just got hit by the ultimate baseball dad joke...

Watching the Pirates and Brewers game tonight and the ole pops drops this one on me:

"I'm pretty sure we got a Locke on this game cause this guys gonna Lohse"

The names of the starting pitchers... -_-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokeybonez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2015
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