my wife said she used all the olive oil
i said "couldn't you have just used some of oil?"
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π
︎ Mar 02 2021
American geologists found the largest deposits of oil.
And some unknown Arab country above it.
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Drilling for oil...
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 01 2021
What do you get when there is an oil spill in the middle of the ocean?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Today I bought extra virgin olive oil
After I used it it was just olive oil.
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Hydrogenated THC oil is a high margarine commodity
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 30 2020
What makes oil boil?
π︎ 24
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Where does extra virgin olive oil comes from ?
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Came home from the store with off-brand vegetable oil
wife threw it directly in the trash to teach me a wesson
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 27 2020
People were offended when I told them a joke about oil.
They did not like my crude humor. I'll have to refine it.
π︎ 51
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︎ Sep 03 2020
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
π︎ 12k
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︎ Aug 26 2019
I heard a large oil company is making fuel out of bug urine...
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 10 2020
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied βbaby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heelsβ. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
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︎ Jan 29 2020
I went on a date, and all she kept talking about for three hours was olive oil
Iβm thinking extra virgin
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 20 2020
I tried my wife's essential oils for the first time today.
Worst french fries I've ever had.
π︎ 104
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︎ May 02 2020
I spilled some oil
π︎ 23
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︎ May 14 2020
Peanut oil is made from peanuts. Olive oil is from olives..
I'm not ever buying any more baby oil.
π︎ 104
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︎ Jan 31 2020
If the price of oil futures goes any deeper, it will hit oil.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 21 2020
Why is it so hard to impress oil connoisseurs?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 23 2020
My wife shouted, βYouβre shirtless and also covered in oil?β I chuckled, βWell, youβre always saying I never glisten.β
βListen! You never listen!β
π︎ 11
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︎ May 17 2020
If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes their fortune...
π︎ 8
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︎ May 02 2020
I left it late to get a gift for my mum for Motherβs Day. Ended up at a petrol station. I bought her some Lorry Oil...
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 24 2020
Martin finds an old oil lamp
Genie: "You get three wishes. I can't kill anybody, I can't make anybody fall in love, I can't bring anybody back from the dead, and you can't wish for more wishes."
Alladin: "I wish that I was rich!"
Genie: "Done."
Rich: "... I wish that I have a lot of money."
π︎ 5
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︎ May 05 2020
If youβre thinking about doing something illegal oil yourself up first.
That way youβre a smooth criminal.
π︎ 29
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︎ Jan 27 2020
What did the oil say when it crashed it's price into negative value?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
A jar of peanut butter needed an oil change
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 06 2020
What kind of oil does Popeyes Chicken use?
π︎ 14
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︎ Mar 03 2020
Brought it in for an oil change, says he only drives it from time to time.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 04 2019
Q. What's the most important thing you can do with crude oil?
A. Teach it proper manners!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
What did the oil lamp say to the flickering candle?
Do you want to go out sometime soon?
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 20 2020
βOil on Canvas.ββ- Anonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
π︎ 19
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︎ Oct 18 2019
βOil on canvasβββAnonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
π︎ 209
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︎ Dec 28 2018
Oil on canvas. Hehe (best part? It was painted with acrylic!)
π︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 04 2018
How does virgin olive oil become extra virgin olive oil?
After getting dating advice from a Redditor.
π︎ 63
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︎ Apr 13 2019
Oil bet this would be great to drive out and go star gazing with
π︎ 22
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︎ Jun 14 2019
What's a ducks favorite motor oil?
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 03 2019
Olive oil
My uncle Arnie asked me if I knew where extra virgin olive oil came from. I said no and he said very ugly trees.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 07 2019
Someone shipped me a box of essential oils
And now I have a case of the vapors
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 09 2019
How much oil was spilled?
π︎ 664
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︎ Dec 18 2016
So I work in the oil and gas industry and I just lost my job because of all these wind farms
Needless to say, Iβm not a big fan.
π︎ 55
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︎ Nov 02 2018
Is that vegetable oil?
"No I melted some butter"
"Thanks for clarifying"
π︎ 11
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︎ Jul 30 2019
Drilling for oil
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 06 2020
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
π︎ 31
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
Which country has the most oil?
π︎ 15
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︎ Aug 17 2020
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