We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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A mess of puns in here...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenghisKhanX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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that show was chock full of puns XD
πŸ‘︎ 346
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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I have a list of puns/bad jokes for every U.S. President reddit.com/gallery/jw48pr
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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The *peak* of puns ;)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Dadvent day 7. Already a week of puns!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teRi9229
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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In Need of Pun Artists

Dear Reddit Community,

I need a pun that includes the word senator for my upcoming student election. I figure the wit of 382K people can't fail me. Thank you for your service. Owl miss you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyManGuy24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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The gateway arch of puns
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Bad collection of puns

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

  1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
  2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
  3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
  4. lettuce taco bout it?
  5. I will asalt you with puns!
  6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
  7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
  8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
  9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
  10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
  11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
  12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
  13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
  14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you should've reddit!

I'm sorry for the cringe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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This is the best kind of pun
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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A song made entirely of PUNS youtube.com/watch?v=LtqBt…
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVoid_42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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Another great example of puns getting a man hired
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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My friend wrote this book. It’s awful of puns. amazon.com/dp/1097511723/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterchiefpetty
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Minerals are a goldmine of puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaledin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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Song of puns by Malinda youtu.be/LtqBt3RbZfs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatanaRo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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A high degree of puns
πŸ‘︎ 410
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rym2031g
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Game of Puns
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/litlkidlvr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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The Queen of puns
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fm369
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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A couple of puns I made up for my dad

Me: Why is Eurovision going to look so good on TV this year?

Dad: Why?

Me: Because it’s 2020


Me: Plumbing is like the digestive system of a house, and turning on the taps is like it going pee.

Dad: Okay?

Me: Let that sink in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Am-the-Cold
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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My colleague just took a new job at a waste management company and I’ve completely run out of pun jokes.

Guess I’ll have to recycle them.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/casimir1978
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Are lesbians Vegan? (Rest of pun in text)

because they dont like Meat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Okami
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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My favorite mode of pun. [OC]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbmi513
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U2BURR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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The β€˜ol factory of puns is churning em out
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eckmasterflex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Just a truckload of puns youtu.be/STUD1VCCYfE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/E-NsJunkDrawer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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Where do they send the craziest of pun-makers?

The Punitentiary

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheThurmanator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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The Next Generation of Puns v.redd.it/twr23kpbxri11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Target359
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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I wanna write a movie script full of puns...

It’d be my screenplay on words

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistymountaindew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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That's a lot of puns
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NightOwl_v2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Whos the princess of puns?

RaPUNzel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josec1011
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Why are they afraid of puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/me-and-only-me-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DuckWithATie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
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The quality of puns has taken a real dive recently but wait until you sea mine
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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My 18-year old said for his high school English essay he chose the subject of puns but was clueless where to start...

I said, "you're a groan man! Don't be sheepish--ewe can handle it."

He walked away with a spring in his step.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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An Ocean of puns in this convo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theeclat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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My GF is a powerhouse of puns
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSexyPatato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
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Can you guys help me develop a list of puns with the name "impossible burger?"

So at work recently theres this vegan burger called the impossible burger. when we pack them up we have to label the number of burgers and the name of them. Typically I wouldn't mess with that stuff since it might throw off the person restocking but the containers they put it all in makes it all quite apparent which ones are which burger. Anywho I began making puns on the labels starting with "kim-possible burger" and I wanted to see what you all could come up with. (I also did the small pee-pee burger but that wasn't really a pun). Anyways plz comment what you can think of that would be a pretty cool pun for the list and I will compile it all together. Thanks and regards, Thomas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zhaoneng
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I wanted to go see a theater piece comprised of puns...

...especially when I realized it was a play on words.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I wanted to go see a theater piece comprised of puns...

...especially when I realized it was a play on words.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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If you are sick of puns

See a doctor

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/van_-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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How do you call someone who makes a lot of puns:

A PUNk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/killertjed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaAxel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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I ordered a book of puns last week,

but i didn't get it.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A lot of puns

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A lot of puns

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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