Occasionally Puns

But nothing tops a cheese pizza.

So I guess Sharon is Karen

There's also leap-frogs.

I prefer the term “four-chin teller“.

So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

When I'm so inclined.

has a tiny habit.

She's like a fashion Mongol

but I drew Barry more

She is a more or lesbian.

The periodic table

If only for a light snack

It’s his random axe of kindness.

I wish I didn’t buy a thesaurus for my birthday.

It keeps me from streaking.

I work for an organisation which has a very institutionalised system whereby the newest hires are the shit kickers and the people who have been there longest have it easiest. I knew it when I signed up and now I've done my time and moved up the totem pole a bit. I was lucky enough to be one of 10 people hired at the same time in this hiring period and so the shit was spread out a bit.

We have a small fleet of cars that need to be washed every Sunday. This is the newest hire's responsibility. About 2-3 months into the job I was washing the cars with a few of my other new colleagues. Our supervisor pokes his head out of the building and barks at us "Make sure you do a good job; don't forget to do the wheels!"

"Don't worry boss," I replied, "I'll do a wheelie good job!"

Have you ever heard a chorus of groans? I have.

Me: How did you like Atlantic City?

Dad: It was great! I came home with a small fortune!

Me: Wow! How did you manage that?

Dad: Well, I left home with a large fortune.

"Did you hear about the actress who was cut from her role portraying Christine in the Phantom of the Opera for being a problem alcoholic? She was a drunk On-gin-ue!"