You just keep an ion them.
But then we'd have to go to school every day.
She must not be heeling it today.
An asstute observation.
Lunch is on me.
However, I'm all ears.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
The ICU
...then we'll be C6.
Teacher: “So I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”
The teacher has everyone turn their body over
Teacher: “Now I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”
all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first
Teacher: “Okay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”
The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked
As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, “now see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.
With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz
That came out of nowhere.
Saturn Uranus.
Buoyant
What about an ant with good eyesight?
Observant
What about an angry ant?
Rant
An ant unable to do anything?
Cant
An ant that won?
Triumphant
An annoying ant?
Unpleasant
A useless ant?
Irrelevant
An eccentric ant?
Extravagant
A nomad ant?
Errant
A sleepy ant?
Dormant
An ant that is well dressed?
Elegant
An ant that lives far away?
Distant
A genius ant?
Brilliant
This joke?
Redundant
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
He only preys on weak knights.
Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Kraft mayo was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
It's a scatter plot.
A crow was observed approaching a small group of seagulls that were eating, with a shiny object. One of the seagulls took the gift, and in exchange brought over a piece of calamari the seagulls had gulls had been pecking at. The crow exhibited a “happy” dance and then flew off with the food.
This is believed to be the first documented example of a “Squid Pro Crow” in the wild.
It was exactly what I expected.
A clipboard and pen
I read that somewhere.
I re-Lent-ed
Two guys were standing in front of me while waiting in line for the pharmacy. One begins making small talk about the weather:
"I hope the rain keeps up!"
"Huh?"
"So it doesn't come down!"
Groan
They're clockwise.
If a mother laughs at dad’s jokes, we have guests.
...just kidding, they know better.
They got bored and called it a day.
I guess that means I'm calling in Sikh.
He took a gander.
The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.
The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.
The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
all the math teachers were pregnant at my middle school, and i remember asking my dad why.
dad: "because they like to multiply"
If Schürrle was a player instead of a player he'd be André "don't call me" Schürrle.
So I love this subreddit, it gives me new material and it gives me the opportunity to help my fellow fathers.
I have a question though, who else, aside from me, pictures the dads that comment and submit posts, as the dads who wear the typical dad attire? I mean the button up hawaiian shirt, kakhi shorts, and a drink in their hand, with a s**t-eating grin.
He only preys on weak knights.
Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Kraft mayo was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
The results were exactly what I expected.
The results were exactly what I expected.
