I have no objection to people being spontaneous,
I just think there is a time and a place for it.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
A relatable inanimate object pun that I drawded.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 25 2019
Is it hard to find a two letter pronoun that can be used to refer to oneself as an object?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 02 2021
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
Someone asked how much I know about carving objects out of wood.
I replied, βA whittle.β
π︎ 61
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
I just heard on the news that a spinning pointy object was discovered downtown...
Apparently that's their top story
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
Chemist n Plumber
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Took me a while
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
I proudly exclaimed to my family, "As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass!"
"I just wanted to make that clear!"
π︎ 16
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. There is no Time.β
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
I used to get small shocks every time I touched metal objects, but I don't anymore.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
I sent a circle to college, and it quickly became the smartest object on the planet.
Seriously, it had 360 degrees!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
What did the cow say to the celestial object?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 17 2020
My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
Itβs a small scale operation.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
My wife got mad at me for have sexual affairs with inanimate objects
I told her it was one night stand...
π︎ 131
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
My wife is such a sex object.
Every time I want sex, she objects.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
We preserve objects very well these days.
Soon, artefacts may just become a thing of the past.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Who would run a country where there are only objects used for geometrical drawing?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
What is the most sexual object in the world?
A door, because it wont stop banging the frame.
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 25 2020
This one weird object will literally shock you!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 08 2020
The Muppets teamed up with NASA to name a newly discovered celestial object.
Upon its first sighting, the Jim Henson Company issued a press release, "Comet Defrog here."
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
My wife said I can't treat people like objects.
I'm not so sure I can live with that.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing
I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!
I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...
"Heinz-sight is 20/20"
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
If you die from smoking weed does that mean that you were killed by a blunt object?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
Itβs funny they call them βunidentified flying objectsβ
I could identify them right away. those are ufos.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition...
and soon discovered he seriously misunderstood the objective.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Im quivering in my boots
π︎ 133
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
Frankenstein enters a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
How do flat round throwing objects sort their opinional differences?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
I just found out that a circle is the most pointless object
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 12 2019
I think I lost my sense of object permanence
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
Meditate on it
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 12 2020
Them: Donβt treat women like objects
Me: Women women = new Women();
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
After seeing a dead bird I had to tell my 4 year old what it means.
I said
it Δt :
pro. Used to refer to that one previously mentioned. Used of a nonhuman entity; an animate being whose sex is unspecified, unknown, or irrelevant; a group of objects or individuals; an action; or an abstraction.
pro. Used as the subject of an impersonal verb.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
A Muslim woman wanted to fuck a gorilla. Her husband objected and said...
π︎ 263
π
︎ Aug 07 2016
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.
Itβs a small scale operation.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Feb 17 2020
My friend and I started a business where we weigh microscopic objects.
Itβs a small scale operation.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
My friend and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
Itβs a small scale operation.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
I've just started a business where I weigh tiny objects.
It's a small scale operation
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
I call my wife the sex object.
Anytime i want sex, she objects.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
I just started my own business where we weigh tiny objects.
Itβs a small scale operation.
π︎ 335
π
︎ Jan 04 2019
My friends and I started a business where we weigh really tiny objects.
Itβs a small scale operation.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
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